There was an error in this gadget

Sunday, December 30, 2012

你好,未来。

想起来就有点恐怖,打从有记忆以来,我就一直有这个想法--我会早死--鬼晓得是什么原因。一开始就排除了自杀的可能性;虽然我无时无刻都有这个念头,不过这几年的混乱的心境也许想得不一样了吧。

以前不知道为什么会有这种想法,随着年龄和知识的增长,谜团也大概揭开了。我想我是个接受不了事实的人吧,害怕改变,担心长大,还有很多未来要处理的乱七八糟的事。

想到自己是个什么都不会,什么都做不好的大白痴就想掐死自己。为什么我就不能普通一点?像其他人都去读science, business, engineering之类的,至少读这些的未来保险一些,也毕竟大多数人都在做同样的事情,如果跟着majority应该也不会错到哪里去。不知道自己是哪里犯贱,小时候书读不好,数学烂死进不了science stream也就算了,什么LJ 奖学金都没有,偏偏还选了个死鬼远死鬼贵的加拿大的什么communications and visual arts,人家问以后要干嘛一般我只笑笑地说“public relations吧,” 其实PR是怎样地一个世界我是懂个屁。一天到晚只会羡慕妒忌人家的天赋才华,把自己看得一文不值最擅长。有很多人告诉我说要有自信,自信个赛,讲得好像建立自信好像放屁那样简单。身上没有一样是好的拿什么出来晒?每次自以为很厉害什么都知道,其实懂的都是屁啦。

还有我那个死烂性格,妈的,可不可以不要那么双面?讲实话面对人又不会怎样;是啦老娘就是怕死,不爽骂人都要在被locked的Twitter里骂啦,需要去透窥来人家的SNS对我的想法啦,妈的我就是干你娘的小人啦,敢说不敢做的胆小鬼啦,像我这种人是应该不得好死啦。Shit,在这样写下去,十个字里有八个是脏话。

不知道别人也是不是这样,我好像预见不到我的未来。好像有人会问你以后想干嘛,我从来都无法100%很有自信地说出我的答案,感觉上未来的一切都是模糊看不清的,其实说黑暗比较确切。除此,心里另外一个白痴声音会说,“你不配拥有这些。” 妈的,搞得我很多时候想给自己的脑来一个format,还是撞个墙把我搞失忆算了。

disclaimer: 以上都是我的心里垃圾,读读忘了就好。对我改变印象了?请便,只是不要告诉我你看了我的blog,我会纠结很久,很可能是一辈子。老娘我最在乎的就是人家对我的看法,反正,当这个post透明就好。

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Malaysia Bound Summer 2013

It's been a while I do my 5 Five's, so I shall dedicate it to my back home plans.

5 Places To Go
1. Bali
2. Penang
3. Langkawi
4. Legoland
5. Singapore

5 Things To Eat
1. Thong Wei's Bak Kut Teh
2. Tepi Sungai's Wan Tan Mee
3. Mama's Hakka Lei Cha
4. Shanmuga's Roti Planta
5. Momo's Taiwan Hotpot
and actually I wanna put more in this LOL

5 People To See (besides family members)
1. Cecilia
2. Grandmother
3. Way Na
4. Siew Foong
5. Mei Tyng and Yuen Phei (cousins)

5 Things To Buy
1. Bras
2. Shoes
3. Bagpack
4. Purse
5. TBA

爱不起

有时候我觉得像我这种情感不深的人会很难,相信人已经很难了更何况是to be in a relationship?很多人告诉我说要有自信要有自信,说当然容易,可是我就是做不到。什么叫自信?要怎么很具体的去define这个词?常常听人说要爱别人,要先爱自己。要怎样爱自己?每天在Facebook发照片来证明?若是说善待自己,我只做到一点,就是吃好吃的。

Okay wait,我好像写得很没有flow,LOL.

我想说的重点是,我真的不知道应该怎么做了,有人说要有自信,有人说告诉他我的感觉。不过说真的我还有点喜欢现在的情况。告白了会怎样?一就是失败,二就是在一起。但是我看不到我们在一起的画面,没恋爱过是主要的一点。在加上我这种奇怪的性格,感觉和我在一起会有一种和朋友在一起的感觉,完全没浪漫感觉。但是有时候会想人想得想装墙,你妈妈的,从来不知道自己会中毒那么深。每天不时的stalking已经快把我逼疯了,看不到一点update就会很pek cek,妈的。我到底在做什么。

另外一点就是我们根本就是不同世界的人,文化冲击不说,课业根本就是一大坨挡在前面的大便,兴趣一个完全偏向音乐一个什么都有兴趣,唯一能把我们link起来的只有电影和食物了吧,干。

你不会想知道当你说你想帮忙弄Charity Gala的时候我是有多激动。冒着下学期6个courses加工作加clubs 活动必死的情况下跑去跟Unicef和VISA提这个建议,还每天晚上在梦里搞events planning,搞到我那个星期是兴奋到,他妈的,真的是陷太深。

虽然我不相信那个什么世界末日,但是如果有就快来吧,还是把我弄失忆吧。老娘我的脑好累,每每走在学校都会不自觉的搜索你的身影,fuck。

我应该是有Philophobia。

你到底有没有可能喜欢我?

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Motivation

【成功是逼出来的】
一个人,如果你不逼自己一把,你根本不知道自己有多优秀。一个人,想要优秀,你必须要接受挑战;一个人,你想要尽快优秀,就要去寻找挑战;一个人,敢听真话,需要勇气;一个人敢说真话,需要魄力;一个人的知识,通过学习可以得到;一个人的成长,必须通过磨练!

【心理技巧:你怕麻烦别人吗?】
相比那些被你帮助过的人,那些曾经帮助过你的人会更愿意再帮你一次。换句话说——让别人喜欢你的最好方法不是去帮助他们,而是让他们来帮助你。如果想得到别人的好感,主动开口是没坏处的。这个有意思的现象被称为“本杰明-富兰克林效应”。

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Fall Term 2012 Report

Oh my godness, I cannot believe that I did not update this blog properly since September, and now is November already, which means this semester is going to end in a month, dafuq. LOL When I say blog properly, those personality quizzes does not count, haha.

So I guess I will use back the old format to tell my story for this semester, it is easier for me to organize and read, haha.

Academic
Taking 5 courses this semester, 2 visual arts, Image and Time Based, 2 communications, Message Design and Theories of Communication and Media, and 1 art history, Modern Art.

I going to start with Time Based first because Image is a bitch to talk about LOL. So I have Ken Giles again this time, same evening class, same boring as hell. Time Based here is a medium that has a durational dimension, in short, VIDEO lah. The ultimate reason why I put myself into visual arts this dumbshit is because of Time Based okay, because I do not want to go into production in communications which is so bitchy that you have to count budget, decide angles, find casts, scripting yada yada stupid materialistic stuff. Time Based has more meaning (I think), which you can be subjective with it, and people wont judge it as a consumer item but ART.Which means, you can make it without meaning, even randomly, but your peers will sense meanings from it somehow from their perspective. The course itself is interesting, we learned Photoshop and made a triptych for the first assignment, which is easy pissy for me, however choosing a subject is difficult, it is also the core of this course. We also learned how to cut Final Cut Pro, a video editing software, super easy super cool, love it right now. Just submitted assignment 3 on Wednesday, it is about montage technique, how we can condense a 3 hours experience into a 3 minute video. I chose the stupidest idea ever. In that video, I was frustrated with my uselessness at the beginning, then another me from another dimension of the world appeared and offer some drink (milk) for me, said that it will help me life better, then 'she' disappeared with a snap. After I finished the drink (milk), I got super powers like teleport, walk through walls and stuff. I am thrilled, teleport here and there, and finally I hit on a door then I want to pass through it. Later find out the drink (milk) is a trial version, only valid for 3 hours. I basically do all these by myself, without a tripod. And I found out, I CANNOT TALK TO A CAMERA. Dafuq, the whole process and the final product are just plain awkward. And we need to show our assignment in class, I was the second one to go, Ken started with the last last name, madafaka -_- I told the class the reason I chose to do is because we (students) were so frustrated these days with midterms and papers, we will do anything to get more time to deal with studies, thus this video represents the wish, also act as a temporally escape from reality. The GA, Eric loves it, but Ken, meh, I will take it as he was in a bad mood that day, he criticized everyone's. LOL. So yea, for most of the time I feel so blank because this course is so abstract, define time? what the fuck is this.jpg Topic for final project is "what is your favourite vegetable," how can you use time to tell us what is your favourite vegetable? Damn vague right? I have no idea how to do, and I cannot even decide which vegetable to use, corn, broccoli or potato? Help maybe?

And oh if you want to watch the stupid super power video just write a post about it to my Facebook wall, LOL.

Move on, Image class! Have Nadja Pelkey, fresh MFA from University of Guelph. I hope you did not died from reading my Time Based story if not you totally going to die in this. LOL. So, Image is ten thousand times more vague than Time Based. First assignment is to make a colour chart, very easy, but assignments get weirder as time passes. Second one is we have to paint ten panels with portrait or object. Paint, not draw! Many people confused with this too at the beginning, we even being taught how to hold the paintbrush properly in class. The only rule for this assignment is, you cannot paint it NICELY. Da heck? For the whole life we have been asked to be good, the best, flawless, bla bla bla and now you want me to do mistakes, to do it not properly? Maybe you will not feel the difficulty when you are reading this, try to do it! It is like the most painful feeling for me ever! I broke down because of this assignment, lol. Basically what she is looking for in this assignment is the gestures and expressions of how we execute a painting, mainly wants us to step out from our comfort zone, try with other styles of painting, for not being too precise in details (pfft modern art). I got A- for this mostly because she could see how pressured I was when in studio. I would say this is the toughest assignment ever, especially for a perfectionist like me. Wanna hear about the third assignment? Way creepier. Choose and locate a place within a space. Yes, this is the ONLY instruction for this assignment. The heck, the heck, the heck. My original idea was playground, which it is a heaven for children while another dimension for grownups, like they treat society as their playground now. Does not make sense right? I had no idea too. I dropped it because the nearest playground is like 30 minutes of walking distance, I really do not want to spend that much of time walking back and forth to take photos of it. LOL.I ended up use the space under the chair of my room, and Nadja actually likes this idea more, whut. However the final project of this course is to make an artist book. An artist book is an artwork that is presented in the form of book. That means we, artists twist the feature of a book to make it into an artbook. Like what Nadja did was she find quotes which contain the word "hope" and substitute it with "Nadja," which what her name stands for. Then compile the quotes together and published it into a book. Taa-daa, this is art deska. wtf. Right now I have no idea what to do for this project yet, kinda want to do a collection of indexical marks from human body, footprints maybe?

The last art history (maybe not if I am doing art history as minor) is Modern Art, it is offered as online course. I got a lot of people saying "oh, so you get to cut some slack because you do not have to go to class for this." NO! I rather go to class for this course, because the readings is madafaka many as shits.We have 5 chapters to read averagely every week, and 1 research paper, 1 online discussion and 1 online quiz every month. I used to hate this course at the beginning because the texts does not make sense to me, why psychologist like Sigmund Freud will be included in the text?! The moment I started to love it is when I got back my mark for first assignment, omg I love Jeanne (the prof)! From this course I now know why artists started to paint nude and going abstract (stupid/crazy). But if I really doing a minor for art history, Modern Art is definitely not my concentration, I will go back to Renaissance. Hahaha.

For communication courses, I am taking the second last required course which is Theories of Communication and Media by Michael Darroch. To be honest, I did not really concentrate in this class, mostly because I do not do the freaking long and complicated readings and I have Thao, Lei Gao and Charlie (will introduce later) beside me all the time in class. Haha. Contents of this course actually has a lot of similarities with Modern Art and Image, I always see terms from those 2 classes in here. Holy, it confuses me sometimes. But what I really learn in this class is, human are really "lebih" creatures.Its like someone made something and present it to the society then other people (so called critiques) appeared and give contexts that has nothing to do with the person who made that thing. For example we studied about map last week. GA in the lab threw us a question: why people create digital map today? Apparently he does not want "navigation" as answer. No one in the class answered, then he said is because the developer wants to make it as a guide to what they want their user to be, especially things, for instance shopping place, that they want to promote. If you are in the class you might go like "ohhhhh, why I never think this way." I got this reaction hell a lot in this course, lol. Another thing is we need to give a small presentation about the topic we talked about in lecture, my topic is "media screens," will be presenting at the last week of school, wtf, and I am the only Asian in that lab, stupid Thao dumped me lol. Oh and I did pretty good for the photography analysis heh, I am comparing with the three person I mentioned above O_O I have a 8 to 10 pages of research paper to write for this and a take home final paper. What is take home final? I do not really know, will figure it out eventually. And this is the only course that I have to write a final, yay?

The last communication class I am taking is Message Design by Dr. Richard Lewis. The reason I am taking it now is because of my mentor's suggestion. She was like "take Lewis' course no matter whatever course he teaches," LOL.So this "legendary" Richard Lewis is a Canadian with Pakistan ethnicity. Message Design initially is like to learn how to make people convinced by the message you create, means persuasion lah. In this class, we do not have assignment, do not have to write papers, and lastly, no final. All we have is presentations, 1 mid term and 1 final projects. Sounds kind of laid back right? He wanted us to get into group of 4 to 5 people, Thao is definitely with me, another 2 group members are Adam and Sam. This is the first time (I think) of me teaming up with local students, I mean for a class that requires groups for the whole semester. Honestly I did not really learn anything from this class, perhaps is because I did not take it seriously. LOL. We only concentrate on chapters we need to present, other than that most of the time we just space out in class while others giving their presentations. Lewis is a weird guy, he hates formal presentation, he wants us to present things we studied from textbook to the class in creative way. So ended up most of the groups do game show, jeopardy and stuff. While for final project we can do anything as long as it has something to do with persuasion. My group decided to do university promotion, targeting at international students, also how to make them stay here longer, instead of drop out or transfer to somewhere else. Do not ask me what does this has to to with persuasion, I have no idea. And we actually took 2 weeks to decide this topic :|

Overall, this semester considered not bad academically, I did not see any course that will end up getting C (finally). No, actually this semester is kind of fucked up because contents of Modern Art, Image and Theories of Communication and Media are very similar to each other, gahhhhh. Okay, it is not that bad, I just want to highlight this only, LOL.

Clubs/Social
Omg this shit is epic. Right now I am in
1. AIESEC - vice president of communications
2. V.I.S.A - associate publications
3. UNICEF - webmaster/vice president of internal relations
4. Connecting for Success - Mentor

Before becoming the vice president of communication in AIESEC, I was the director of public relations, wait did I mentioned this during the summer? Yea I guess so, lol, so skip. To be honest, I feel like I am already the vice president in COMM since the real VP does not really do things, or I should say she makes me feels like she does not even want to be in AIESEC, for example recently, I have to ask her 3 times in a week to set our portfolio meeting time. Oh god. So right now I am in transition, still doing the same thing, spam Facebook, design posters, bla bla bla. And oh I held a portfolio meeting last week, first time in my life!
While for V.I.S.A, it was like magnificent at the beginning of the semester, we had bowling event, trip to Pelee Island, bla bla bla. But since last month we have NOTHING, not even executive meetings. And I feel like the current coordinator kind of drift V.I.S.A off what it used to be, sigh, I think he is not even in this group before this. My unofficial main job in this group is the photographer and part time designer, my boss (executive publications) loves to design so much so I will just let her do all the flyers posters she wants. Most likely I will leave this group soon because everything is too Indianized, not even kidding. In Windsor, when you say international, like events or groups, Indian is the represent of "international." One of the events we did for V.I.S.A was samosa sales, it turned out pretty good. Then the executive team says want to do Diwali stuff, and another Indian festival. People, please, why don't you guys just go have an Indian society or whatever?
UNICEF is another headache for me. I cannot get it why people applied for an executive position but not willing to work, or even fucking reply my texts or emails? The one and only event of this club was the Halloween bake sale which we had it on October 31st, and until now I still do not know how many money we made. B-R-I-L-L-A-N-T.
All these clubs above I tried so fucking hard to push all things to happen but people are just so fucking do not respond or irresponsible. Where is the excitement of university student supposed to have? DARN.
The only one that I do not have to put too much focus is the mentor-mentee program. But the funny thing is that my mentee is not exactly in the same majors as me, we only share the visual arts part, and the more hilarious thing is that we are in the same Image class. AWKWARD TO THE MAX. However, she is a good girl, does not give too much trouble to me, what I have to do is just meet with her monthly and write report to send it to the program coordinator.

Work
So, I work in the International Student Centre as front desk, but will be the soft landing coordinator for this coming winter, which main job is to help new students with transition. Bad thing about this job is, I only get 1 week of break during Christmas week. However working in the ISC is not bad, learned a lot, especially talking to people, I am less nervous when talking to strangers now.

Friends
Made a lot of new friends this semester, mostly known by people recognize me as the Chinese who works in the International Student Centre. And mostly Indians......I do not want to talk about this anymore, urgh. I am trying my VERY best not to be racist okay but can you guys just freaking leave me alone, do not spam my Facebook message, do not randomly ask me what's up, do not say 你好 to me, stop trying to impress me by saying you are in engineering, arts is easy those stupid shit, just fucking stop these and be normal please. (Holy crap, I just realized I am writing all these in a terribly bad mood, lol). And for Chinese, please stop asking me why I speak Mandarin, please, please, please. I AM A CHINESE JUST LIKE YOU GUYS! I am getting frustrated each time when people question my identity. Please, leave me alone, or study more about other people country, do not simply make assumptions. (LOL shit, off topic already) Okay, right now in my communication class I have one more person to hang out with, she is Charlie transferred from Hong Kong, same stream in communication with me, wheee. And have Adam in Message Design, a Japanese and Scottish mix, punk style of kid, not bad to work together with. Also I met Sonin, from Mongolia, Master of Management student, looks like Small S of Taiwan, fun to hang out with too. People like Sheylen (Malaysian), Eric, Missy, Vincent, Ada, sometimes too. Occasionally Heidi, Ivy and Linda.

Housing
Living with Fantine, everything is good so far if the another housemate would find a room to do her stuff with her boyfriend or keep the volume down. Cooking by myself while studying and dealing with club stuffs is not fun, most of the time I do not have the time to sit down and eat properly. However, moved to here is probably one of the wisest choices I made, it is so convenience in terms of going to LeBel building. Most likely I am going to live here until I finish university. $300 per month is totally a good deal.

Le Crush
LOL I know I never have this section in previous report. Ahahahahah shy.Like I expected, we did not hang out as much like during summer because both of us are super duper busy people. However one of the things that is worth to mention here is that we went to the library together on the first day of school. Awesomeness feeling. The second thing would be the trip to Point Pelee. In case you want to know, the current cover photo on Facebook is shot by him. Haha. The most recent one would be last week? We went for Fuji Sushi, where we used to go during the summer and have their awesome salmon, and watched Iron Fist. We planned to watch Silent Hill but found out Iron Fist is on the cinema already which both of us thought it will not be released until next week. So we sneaked out from Silent Hill and went for Iron Fist. I honestly have no idea what is going to happen to us, and I like the current situation, it would be nice if something good happen, lets just hope the worst will not come.

I wrote a lot at the beginning but the length dropped down a lot when comes to the end, probably because the writing mojo is gone. I will stop here for now.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I am a normal person

I am an enduring fighter, with masked passions.

Your responses indicate that you have a normal desire to share yourself with others. However, this need is not being adequately fulfilled at present.

As a result, you unconsciously attempt to treat this emptiness with momentary interests and temporary passions. If left unaddressed, this imbalance leads to impulsive behavior and unnecessary risks.

Past betrayals have left you generally suspicious of others’ behavior, particularly regarding romantic relationships. You fear you may be exploited if you open yourself too fully. Consequently, you often seek some proof of a new friend’s or lover’s sincerity before you decide to trust them.

Further complicating your relationships is the anxiety you have about your unfulfilled personal and professional goals. You fear that you’ve made decisions that weren’t in your own best interest, or failed to take advantage of opportunities when they presented themselves.

The desire to overcome these challenges sometimes lead you to seem pushy or even arrogant. Because this competitive urge is not always apparent to others, they are often surprised by it.

However, the passion that underlies your desire for success is unique. This makes you unlike others. You cannot simply accept what life has to offer; you aspire for more.

http://byzantiumtests.com/
The desire to overcome these challenges sometimes lead you to seem pushy or even arrogant. Because this competitive urge is not always apparent to others, they are often surprised by it.
However, the passion that underlies your desire for success is unique. This makes you unlike others. You cannot simply accept what life has to offer; you aspir

Monday, October 15, 2012

Cartell's 16PF Model

Score 0 - 4

Warmth 1.9
Warmth is how nice to people you are. Low scorers are impersonal, distant, cool, reserved, detached, formal and aloof. High scorers are outgoing, attentive to others, kindly, easy-going, participating and like people.

Reasoning 2.3
Reasoning is how good at abstract thinking you are. Low scorers prefer common sense, high scorers prefer abstract thinking.

Emotional stability 2.2
Emotional stability is how in control of your emotions you are. Low scorers are reactive emotionally, changeable, affected by feelings, emotionally less stable, easily upset. High scorers are emotionally stable, adaptive, mature, and face reality calmly.

Dominance 2.2
Dominance is how assertive you are when dealing with people. Low scorers are deferential, cooperative, avoids conflict, submissive, humble, obedient, easily led, docile and accommodating. High scorers are dominant, forceful, assertive, aggressive, competitive, stubborn and bossy.

Liveliness 2.3
Liveliness is how much energy you display. High scorers are serious, restrained, prudent, taciturn, introspective and silent. Low scorers are lively, animated, spontaneous, enthusiastic, happy-go-lucky, cheerful, expressive and impulsive.

Rule-consciousness 2.5
Rule-consciousness is how much you abide by authority. Low scorers are nonconforming, self indulgent and disregard rules. High scorers are rule-conscious, dutiful, conscientious, conforming, moralistic, staid and rule bound.

Social boldness 0.4
Social boldness is how socially confident you are. Low scorers are shy, threat-sensitive, timid, hesitant and intimidated. High scorers are socially bold, venturesome, thick-skinned and uninhibited.

Sensitivity 1.2
Sensitivity is how much you can be affected. Low scorers are utilitarian, objective, unsentimental, tough minded, self-reliant, no-nonsense and rough. High scorers are sensitive, aesthetic, sentimental, tender-minded, intuitive and refined.

Vigilance 2.2
Vigilance. Low scorers are trusting, unsuspecting, accepting, unconditional and easy. High scorers are vigilant, suspicious, skeptical, distrustful and oppositional.

Abstractedness 1.8
Abstractedness is how imaginative you are. Low scorers are grounded, practical, prosaic, solution oriented, steady and conventional. High scorers are abstract, imaginative, absent minded, impractical and absorbed in ideas.

Privateness 3.2
Privateness is how honest you are about who you are. Low scorers are forthright, genuine, artless, open, guileless, naive, unpretentious and involved. High scorers are rivate, discreet, nondisclosing, shrewd, polished, worldly, astute and diplomatic.

Apprehension 2.5
Apprehension is how troubled you are. Low scorers are self-assured, unworried, complacent, secure, free of guilt, confident and self satisfied. High scorers are apprehensive, self-doubting, worried, guilt prone, insecure, worrying and self blaming.

Openness to change 1.2
Openness to change is how not stuck in your ways you are. Low scorers are traditional, attached to familiar, conservative and respect traditional ideas. High scorers are open to change, experimental, liberal, analytical, critical, free-thinking and flexibile.

Self-reliance 3.8
Self-reliance is how contained your needs are. Low scorers are group-oriented and affiliative. High scorers are self-reliant, solitary, resourceful, individualistic and self-sufficient.

Perfectionism 2.6
Perfectionism is how high you standards are for yourself. Low scoerers tolerate disorder are unexacting, flexible, undisciplined, lax, self-conflict, impulsive, careless of social rules and uncontrolled. High scorers are perfectionist, organized, compulsive, self-disciplined, socially precise, exacting will power, control and self-sentimental.

Tension 2
Tension is how driven you are, crossed with impatience. Low scorers are relaxed, placid, tranquil, torpid, patient, composed low drive. High scorers are tense, high energy, impatient, driven, frustrated, over wrought and time driven.

Source: http://personality-testing.info/tests/16PF.php

Monday, September 24, 2012

“自从你从4M下来后你变得好胜,爱比较…”-思恩

对,4M的确是我人生多个转折点中的其中一个。我曾经不闻不问,不世俗,万事都随便,走一步算一步的态度快让老妈子抓狂。那个时候的我,可以说是精神上的邋遢,在加上金牛座的固执性格,没人说得动我,改得了我。 M班是当时小学的精英班,很多那班的学生现在都在接受着政府的奖学金在国外深造。可想而知,以一个普通学生的身份加入精英班是多么的有意思。压力和紧张是每天环绕在4M里的元素,学生在一角落狂背课文,学生在另一角演算数学题…没有一刻轻松空闲的时候。

久而久之,我知道我的随性在这里是生存不了的。所以慢慢的我也学会了一些M班生活法则。拿到测验后的比较在M班似乎是不可避免的,几乎每个人在班上都有他们认定的考场上的“对手。”虽然之后我在班上的排名一直垫底,在M班培养的习惯也已经摆脱不了了,也造成我现在这种个性-他妈的要强。

4M不是唯一造就我这种性格的因素,另外一个是我爸,背后原因是我家。黄家虽然大,可是真正成大事的没有一个。感觉上老爸对我的期望很高,可能是我的成绩是他三个孩子中最好的一个吧。但是老实说,我的成绩一点都不好,真的不好,我不想被归类成那种假惺惺的人,上学期CGPA 8.79 (2.5),如何?不知道为什么别人总以为我是那种很会读书的人。若我没常常去图书馆,我现在应该已经被退学回去马来西亚了。我是唯一也是第一个在国外上正式的政府大学的人,毫无前例。上大学一直是老爸的梦想,所以在各种情况下我警告我自己,不可以他妈的倒下。

老爸也说加入社团,在学校找个工作。现在我两个都有了,而且都做的很好。但是我很累,真的很累。但是我不能随便退出,不想被人说不负责任。而且在工作和社团里都得到了非常大的成就感,慢慢地学业就落后了,second year真的是他妈的一点都不容易,他妈的多readings,他妈的image课老师以为我们只上一堂课总是要我们用两天完成他妈的多东西。老娘是完全没有时间啊fuck。

不知道这个是我的limit了,还是我还可以有进步的空间,还可以做比这个更多的。我希望是二者吧,至少在未来生活不会跌个狗吃屎。

Thursday, September 20, 2012

金牛座不容易喜欢上一个人。有人说金牛座对伴侣的要求太高,其实并非这样,金牛座注重的是感觉。只是那么轻描淡写的一眼,那个人已经吸引了金牛的所有注意力,从此目光便无法转移。用一秒钟爱上一个人,然后再付出一生去忘记,金牛座就是这样的试验品!

Oh god, I am still in this deep whirlpool. I like the current situation, though I am looking forward for what's up next.

I do not feel like let go, at all, for 21 years, you are the first one ever that gives me feelings like this.

Now the thing is, should I hold on? Do you worth my time? Are you the right one?

Friday, August 10, 2012

It's Just A Name

If you are stalking my Facebook, you probably remember that I posted something about Chinese addresses people in full name, no matter how close their relationship is. However I found this extremely irritating, because in Malaysia when people call you in full name means you are in deep shit, right? I guess same as in North America, when a mum shouting at her rebellious son yada yada, she yelled at her son in full name.

So, I asked one of my Chinese friends for the reason. She said it's because some of the people only have 1 character after their last name like Ma Chao, Yu Hang, etc. It would be awkward if we just call them by their first name only, like Chao, or Hang, you won't want to call them Chao Chao or Hang Hang right? Which makes a good point though, because most of the Chinese people in Malaysia has 2 characters after last name, like mine, Wong Win Shi. So people would like call me Win Shi. For them, by just addressing people in first name will give them goosebumps because they think that sounds too intimate, LOL.

But still, since I have so many Chinese friends in Windsor, whenever they call me in full name I feel uneasy, felt like they are being rude, like how mum usually yell at me back home. LOL. However, that's my side of story. My friends feel uncomfortable too when local people call them in first name, so most of them got themselve an English name instead. And another problem is non-Chinese could not pronounce Chinese name correctly.

So yea, that's the cultural-shock.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Bye Bye Black

So, if you are following me on Twitter, you might know that I am officially a brunette right now. Well, half brunette.

Yup, I dyed my hair, like finally. Most of my friends dye their hair immediately right after secondary school graduation. I think I am the only one who dye her hair at this age, lol. Not that I don't want to dye my hair, I had the attempt but not that strong. And also one sentence from my mum actually stopped me from dying my hair. She said it would be a waste to dye my hair because my hair is naturally black, not many people can get as black as mine. I was like, whoa, I am privileged. That's the reason I am black hair for, uh, 21 years. LOL.

So, why did I decided to dye? Lame answer: because it was on promotion. LOL. Yea as simple as that. I am an uber stingy person just so you know, I love buying cheap stuff, I love pasar malam cloths! lolwtf. Yea anyway, so I am no longer black hair.

So here's the outcome.



I hate taking photos in my room, the lighting sucks to the max, LOL. However, you can see it from my recently uploaded photos on Facebook. 

But, I don't think people noticed it, is it because I didn't announce it publicly? As in on Facebook? If yes, omg, what has this society became? All rely on social media? LOL. 

What I will do is, patiently wait until someone points out, hopefully that person will be le guy. lolwtf. 

Monday, July 30, 2012

Way Back to Tzu Chi

I cannot believe I was actually there. At the United States of America Tzu Chi Collegiate Association Leadership Conference 2012in Dallas, Texas, as someone who haven't been in touch with Tzu Chi for 2 years plus. As someone who is not an official Tzu Ching.

Never thought about I will have the chance to stay in touch with Tzu Chi again in the North America. My mum told me to get involve with after I arrive Canada but after all the searchings the closest one I could get is Detroit Chapter, and nearest one in Canada is Toronto's chapter. At the end the thought of joining Tzu Chi slowly faded out from my mind as school stuffs come all together.

How I did join Tzu Chi? Well, I joined as a Tzu Shao at first, kind of forced by my mum because her friends are sending their kids to their as well. I was pretty igorant because I already an athiest at that time, Buddha's teachings are just a no-no for me. As time goes by, month by month lecture and activities, (Why I never skip class every month? Because I am a obedient kid, lol) Tzu Chi showed me a different world. Buddha's teaching has nothing to do with religion, it is a philosophy, a way of life.

Later on, I was given a position, as a photographer, plus senior Tzu Shao. From that moment, my perspective of Tzu Chi has changed totally. Because of Tzu Chi, I started to care more about the society, at least be aware of what is happening at the surrounding. And I started to do volunteering because of Tzu Chi. I remember one of the Shi Gu said volunteering can be addictive, which is very true. Volunteering brought me to a whole new journey, I became active, more sociable, the change is even obvious when I was in INTI. Until now, I hold 2 executive positions in my university, and possibly 1 more incoming.

The conference was epic. Met back with Fion and SynDee was awesome, got to know people from all over the states was fantastic! It is so heartwarming when seeing those Shi Gu and Shi Bo contribute their time and hardwork without asking anything back, they never complain! This really touches my heart because Shi Gu Shi Bo back in Malaysia, at least in Klang Chapater weren't this helpful until this extend. Shi Gu Shi Bo in the states are like living in a Tzu Chi world, willing to do anything for Tzu Ching and Tzu Chi, selflessly. In the conference, they mentioned about communications between Tzu Ching and Shi Gu Shi Bo is difficult because most of the Tzu Ching does not understand Mandarin and Taiwanese while Shi Gu Shi Bo are not fluent with English. However Shi Gu and Shi Bo promised to try their best to improve their language. From my point of view, shouldn't Tzu Ching try to learn Mandarin and Taiwanese instead? Since youth can learn things easier and faster.

This conference mostly talked about vegetarism and leadeship. However, I think the coolest part in this conference was we got to skype with Master Cheng Yen during the morning ceremony in Taiwan. It was a very special moment, and I almost cried, lol. Master Cheng Yen could actually see us! :') Leadership part of the conference did not really apply to me since I am not a real Tzu Ching LOL. However vegeterism class striked me quite hard. I had the thought of being a vegetarian but I don't have the perseverance to do it, I couldn't give up meat. But one thing I can promise myself is that I try to reduce the amount of the meat I consume, that is at least what I am able to do now.

Anywho, I have made friends from University of Michigan and University of Toronto, hopefully they will tag me along when they have Tzu Chi events coming.

Another thing I learnt from the conference. "To forgive others is to be kind to yourself." - Jing Si Aphorism

Gan En :)


Thursday, July 12, 2012

10 Myths About Introverts

You considered yourself as an introvert? Read these 10 myths and think about it again. Because I know I am.

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

I can talk non-stop if it's food or movie related. Topic about hot/cute guys will do too.

 Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Yes, just fucking talk to me, what I need is just someone taking initiative.

 Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

I hate hypocrites. If you wanna act, just go act in a drama, not in front of me.

 Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

I take relationships SERIOUSLY, if you fucked it up, sorry, no more chance.

 Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

It's like I get excited very fast and this excitement usually dies pretty early, like 1 or 2 hours of the event. Maybe because I cannot fully concentrate to have fun, I observe the surroundings while I am having fun, pathetic eh. 

 Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

I like to be alone for most of the time however I want to have someone that I can rely on whenever I need help or talk. Also, I am an unicellular, I can only concentrate on ONE PERSON AT A TIME. Sorry if I let you feel abandoned, I tried my best.

 Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.


I have my own taste on things, deal with it. Stop telling me to wear makeups, heels, and dresses. If you like it so much, suck it yourself. And yes, I love to challenge the norm, I like to do things differently. LOL. 


Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them. 


And this is why I daydream all the time. Surrounding of mine is just not that interesting. 

 Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

LOVE THIS. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. However, this is kinda off, because I love roller coasters LOL.

 Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

I am comfortable being what I am now :)

READ FULL TEXT HERE

Friday, July 6, 2012

雨与强者

昨天傍晚雷电交加可是却迟迟不下雨,于是就逞英雄/很白痴的只带上钥匙,手机和钱包就往学校走。

原因纯粹是想淋雨。

我完全低估了加拿大的雨。它并不像想马来西亚那样倾盆,而是像有人拿着一桶水往你身上泼!再加上暴风,从四方吹来,有多恐怖就多恐怖。最后会议去不了,还被中国女生轻视地看我狼狈的样子。躲在Toldo半个小时狂风暴雨,之后雨小了点才浑身湿透地走回家。


在那30分钟里,我做了一件平常不太会做的事情。在Facebook发了条“What/s better than this? All wet and stuck in school. Bravo.‘的状态。然后满怀期望地以为会有人来英雄救美,当时脑里心里就只想着一个人。还为此emo了好几个小时 TMD。


电影看太多吧,有谁会24小时在你身旁standby呢?失望是肯定有的,可是我还察觉到了另外一点。


我-变-弱-了


一直以来都在很努力的塑造”我很强“的形象,成功地骗了不少人包括我自己。如果是以前的自己我可以肯定我不会因为这种鸡毛蒜皮的事情感到失望/emo。你老妈我就是不爽不爽不爽不爽不爽不爽不爽不爽


引用CC的一句“如果真的喜欢,狠狠去一次是值得的。有时候,太理智真不是件好事。” 太理智的确不好,可是我做不到,因为我知道如果我失去理智我会变成一个超级大白痴,找不回理智的那种,所以我对我的理智hold得很紧。不过照现在看来,理智在慢慢消失。


因为我是单细胞,只能专注于一件事情。我似乎有生以来就知道,爱情在我的生命里有十分重的份量。对于爱情我只有两条路走,一是避开,二是陷进去。是的,我慌了。我已经不知道我在做什么了,满脑子只能想着一个可能或不可能喜欢我的人。*虽然有人已经爆料,但是本人就是没信心* 主动?被动?等?不知道?!你老娘我不知道不知道不知道啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊


本来以为可以一直逃避,逃了21年终于还是被捆住了。


这就是我单身了21年的原因,被拒绝的男生们,谢谢你们的喜欢,对不起我们的缘分不够。


唉,不过,能遇到你,我人生值了。


This is not a blog post that you would expect from the Win Shi you know. Welcome to my dark side.



Thursday, July 5, 2012

49 Things to do Before You Leave University

1. Feed the campus wildlife 
Squirrels 


2. Have an epic karaoke night at your house using just YouTube, booze, and your natural star quality 
Planning to do this after I move out from this house, LOL.

3. Go on a date with someone you would normally say no to - give them a chance
I did, and I won't do it again.

4. Hand in an essay early
Will try this semester, LOL.

5. Busk on campus for a charity (even if you have zero talent)
Uhh, this is quite challenging.

6. Teach someone something
Language? Malay, Mandarin, Hokkien, Cantonese, bla bla bla.  


7. Read a book that isn't study-related 
Half way.


8. Hire a bike for a week and see how it works out for you 
Planning to buy a bike


9. Study in every library that exists at your university (like you're ‘on tour' - but studying)
University of Windsor only has 2 libraries, so yea. 


10. Drive to a beach. Swim. (If your uni is miles away from the coast, you'll just have to stay over) 
But I am not the driver.


11. Make your own booze 
Ahhh, if financial available, LOL.


12. Go to a university sports team's game. Get vocal and animated with your support. 
Kinda did it when school starts.


13. Have an incredibly elaborate picnic on a uni green space one lunch time 
Something that I always want to do, even just lie on the grass and do nothing.


14. Sit in on a lecture that's completely out of your field, but that you've always been fascinated by 
Philosophy or computer science.


15. Join a society for something you've always wanted to do, but never got round to 
Already fully occupied by societies. 


16. Apply for internships and jobs 
Working in International Student Centre right now.


17. Turn up at a 9 am lecture along with all the other students dressed in your PJs and dressing gowns
Maybe..? 


18. Go to the careers office and speak to them completely honestly - whatever your thoughts and fears, loves and hates...
What's the point? LOL



19. Go on a weekend country jaunt with friends - get as remote as possible 
Pelee Island!


20. Start a conga at a big union night. See how long you can get it, before leading it as far from the music as possible (if you can get it to a house party or another club night, you can officially retire from doing stuff. Your work here is done) 
Nay, this is stupid.


21. Go and see the art departments' end of year shows
Visual arts student speaking here. End of year shows are mind-blowing!


22. Go to a play put on by the drama department or a uni society
Miss one last year, will try again this year. 


23. Get involved in a play or some kind of performance (e.g. fashion show, etc.)
Someone actually asked me, I rejected LOL Will think about it again next time.



24. Visit all historical building and monuments in your town (including churches)
If I have a car LOL 


25. Go out sober and dance all night (at least once, repeat as required) 
Sober all the time


26. Swim in a fountain (campus if possible, town will do)
How about river? 


27. Go paddling on a hot day
Would love to! 


28. Hold your own Come Dine With Me with other student houses
Planning.


29. Take part in a protest
Missed one last semester LOL 


30. Write in to the uni radio station or newspaper
No one really listens to CJAM though  


31. Dress up! As a fictional character, an animal - anything
Halloween? 

32. If you think a lecture was particularly good, try and instigate a standing ovation 
Oh my, this need a lot of courage.


33. Do something – anything! – silly, for charity
Shinerama is the best start. 


34. Give your parents a in depth tour of all the great stuff you do and love at University (It'll make for an amazing trip for them, and make them feel happy whenever they think of you at uni) 
Yes, they are coming soon! 


35. Have a sleepover 
At Fantine's


36. Play an elaborate prank on a housemate 
Poor Fantine LOL


37. Win a pub quiz (whatever it takes)
 Won a t-shirt



38. Make a kite and fly it
Okayyyy 



39. Have an 80s montage house cleaning session, with appropriate outfits and music blaring
LOL WTF challenged accepted 


40. Go on a blind date 
Uh, through?


41. Find out the names of all those people you know far too well to not know their names 
I am good at names.


42. Dye your hair 
Thought of highlight them.


43. Sleep out under the stars 
If weather allows 


44. Make a movie starring your friends and your favourite places 
Might be a project for one of the courses :P


45. Celebrate something by doing the classic shake up a bottle of champagne and spraying it all over yourself and everywhere (or at least do it with sparkling wine..!) 
Ons!


46. Make friends with a student from a country you've never known someone from or been to before 
India? Pakistan? Dubai? And the list goes on.


47. Go inside (and have a little explore of) every building that is part of the university 
Bitch please, my uni is so small.


48. Become a wise mentor for a Fresher doing your course. Tell them what you wish you'd known 
Applied and got accepted to be a mentor, will be having a mentee this coming fall :)


49. Learn a new sport or instrument or activity that you never thought you would
Would love to. 




So I got 16/49, not that bad right so far? :)

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Summer

Finally got the chance to experience a foreign country's summer. Bright sunlight and heat are definitely something that I missed. However, summer in Canada is totally different with what we have in Malaysia. Why? Because is so friggin dry here! Imagine the warm wind, imagine the sunlight can actually hurt your skin. Therefore I would say summer in the North America is not friendly, however I am glad that I am able to stand it, some people just could not. Haha.

I think I did not mention it before, I just done with my summer term, took an art history class for intersession during the first month of summer. Intersession is like short sem in Malaysia, which is to finish 4 months study materials in 1 month. Very very intense, especially when you are taking course like art history. I need to memorize 70 paintings and architecture for final exam, as well as it's artist, period, culture, locations and 3 facts. But, I had fun! 

Got Cameron Macdonell as my Renaissance to Modern art history professor. He is like a walking art history encyclopedia, he can answer almost every student's question, just way too awesome. After this course, I am finally can say that, I HATE MODERN ART. LOL. Before modern art, paintings are created upon request or for sale, right now, paintings are more like an expression of the artist itself, only the artist himself/herself understand what he/she is trying to convey. Which is, they do not give a fuck of the audience, and most importantly they are not aesthetically enjoyable. To be honest, I almost puke when I was reading Claude Monet's and Pablo Piccasso. *Great fans of art please don't kill me*

What art history changed me is that, I can now recognize paintings and some parts of architecture! Like while I was watching Monte Carlo yesterday night, when Selena Gomez and her friends visiting The Louvre, I almost shout out the name of the paintings I saw, like Raft of Medusa and Liberty Leading the People, omg. Insane. But, I love this feeling, haha.

However, I am glad that I am done, and I will not take Modern Art in the coming semester instead, Early Medieval or Northern Renaissance, yay.

On the other hand, I got an on-campus job, finally! Applied it through WISE, the job list for international students. LOL. Submitted the resume and went for the interview, the employers were quite impressed with the number of languages I am able to speak, yay for being Malaysian. So yea, right now I am working at the front desk of the International Student Centre. Answer questions to whoever comes in, assign them to see the right person for specific questions.

Besides that, I have been quite busy with AIESEC Windsor as well. Since the vice president of my portfolio, communications is in Toronto, another guy Kevin and me has been assigned as directors to look over the portfolio during the summer.

Therefore my title now is the Director of Public Awareness of AIESEC Windsor. LOL. But I am still doing the old stuff like social media and IT since I am not that leader-ish in anyway. LOL. And after the BoA meeting, I am started to think should I apply to be the vice president of communications or not. Because I have serious stage fright, nothing to do with language, just pure stage fright, I cannot talk to public, especially I know there are some high position people there.

I thought I got rid of this problem when I was in INTI because I do talked a lot, asked questions when having meetings or classes. Just weird though. However, back to the topic. I do not see anyone in communications will apply to be the vice president though except Kevin and me, or maybe Chantelle. Well, I  still need to figure out which to go, either VP COM or go to an exchange in Italy to Turkey.

And right now we are doing a video project, it is going to be a general knowledge about AIESEC, for training purpose. Sometimes I just wish we have more serious members in AIESEC though. It feel sucks when you know you are working alone. It's like a solo cheerleader, cheer alone like a sohai. LOL.

So, what's up for the rest of summer? I don't really have plans yet. Will be going to Texas for 1 week though, few days trip and 3 days Tzu Chi Conference. Then parents are coming at the end of August, which I will be busy working and moving out from this room at that time. WHAT A GREAT TIMING. Hopefully everything will be fine at that time. :/

Especially the housing, it has been a fucking pain in the ass since January. Oh God, please help me this time, I just want to end this suffer.

Until now, I still not sure whether if staying in Windsor for the summer is a right decision or not. Yes I took a course, I got a job, and most importantly, I met you. But home is home, where people who truly loves me belong, where only good food exist! LOL.

I am still in the swirl pool, save me.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

准得可怕

金牛座,很会面对现实,说的都是实话。
而往往说实话是最伤人的,而对方也很清楚金牛说的话一点都不假。
比如对方问金牛爱不爱自己,
金牛会回答“有爱过!”“后来为什么没有爱?”“你真的想听吗?”……
金牛的态度会让对方很清楚的知道在继续问下去只是拿刀往自己身上插而已。

请好好珍惜金牛对你的好 当金牛对你好时会好得没有底
但如果你不懂得珍惜 一次又一次的伤害金牛
总有一天你在他的心里就不再那么重要 那时即使你挽回也没有用了
总有一些东西是变了 每当你说出:"关你什么事?"时请想清楚
不然你下次找他的时候得到的回复可能是 "关我什么事?"
牛牛再怎么伤心,难过,他也会笑,没有人看得出是真是假,只有自己知道!
牛牛可以安慰别人,保护别人,但是却用不到自己身上,固执的伤害自己,
牛牛的发泄方式都是对自己的,他不会发泄到别人身上。

他矛盾,他固执,他善良,其实苦的都是自己!

成天混迹在各种热闹的地方来排解自己的寂寞。
可是他们的内心始终都是别人无法靠近的。
他们自己也很矛盾,埋藏了太多的事情,
自己其实也很苦,想找个人倾诉,张了张嘴,却又不知从何说起。
于是索性笑一笑,没有什么大不了的,
天踏了,牛角顶着。所以他们不甘寂寞,却又真的很寂寞。


金牛喜欢人与人之间淡淡地相处 不会太累 也没那么多顾及
淡淡的友情就像淡淡的茶香令人沉醉
金牛喜欢淡淡的文字 流淌着飘逸纯真 有如潺潺清泉洗濯着疲惫的心灵
金牛喜欢淡淡的生活 静悄悄地走过每一天 不要留下什么印痕
金牛也不想被众人瞩目
金牛喜欢站在树下看远方淡淡的风景

金牛座的你虽然天生很会打扮,但是因为天性节俭,
所以从来不会打扮得太过火。
金牛座的女孩通常很有魅力,尤其是和蓄长发。
大圆顶的棉质洋服最能表现出你的妩媚,
颜色以绿色及棕褐色为主,
头发向上梳盘成一个髻,胸前挂上一条木质雕刻的长形项链
会使你更出色!

金牛往往这样。彼此越喜欢越容易吵架,林黛玉爱贾宝玉爱得不要命,
可一见面就又吵又哭。
金牛喜欢谁就跟谁吵,感情越好对对方越关心,求同的倾向越强,
达到一个峰值也就是最高点,就接近全面求同。
感情越强烈就越不讲理越苛刻,
所以金牛同你吵架,要庆幸你正被爱着。


金牛座最易被误读的地方:
都是守财奴,吝啬到一毛不拔的程度,要他出钱很难要他请客更难,
若是那一天你收到金牛座送你一个大礼物,那一定是做出了什么对不起你的事。。。。。。需要更正的是:
金牛确实很现实,但实际上他们在花钱的时候往往比你想象的要大方的多,
对自己想要得到的东西,再贵都会买的

1、理性。做事很实际,但是很向往不现实的事情
2、享受。喜欢自然舒适,喜欢美丽而且实用的东西。对于好吃的东西没有抵抗力
3、独占。占有欲很强,无论是朋友还是爱人,必须让他们感觉到他对于你们是重要的不可替代的,不能确定或没有安全感的时候,会让他们厌倦而放弃。

金牛会很久不再联系你。
如果你在纳闷一个狮子以前每天给你打电话现在却不主动联系你。
以前金牛对于你说的一切都很关注,
现在你对金牛说什么金牛也是在听,面带微笑,
但是思维经常短路……那就请你注意了,
注重交流沟通的金牛已经给你亮起了红灯。

金牛座的人都真性情,爱恨分明,总是口是心非
如果吵架,没有多想,一定下一句话说的比对方更狠,更没有退路,然后不知道得意个什么。
要命的自尊,喜欢简简单单就好,不喜欢世俗,一根筋想问题。
开心时候什么都能丢一边,不开心时候一句话也不愿意说。

金牛座的敏感特质是隐藏在内心的,并不被大多数人察觉。
牛儿有大地的特质,承担一切,喜欢保护弱小,擅长照顾别人,
简直到了牺牲奉献的地步,尤其对于情人的要求,
会放在第一位,甚至不等对方开口,都能察觉对方心意,事先为对方准备好。
牛牛的心很软,很敏感,会因为悲剧的情节或他人的不幸而流泪。

【1】金牛不是完美的,但是金牛是愿意越来越完美的星座
【2】金牛的固执很难克服,但是并不是说你要改变什么,而是以后在要做这些事情之前好好的想象能不能这样做,做了之后又什么后果
【3】金牛,你要学会保护自己,金牛确实很笨,特别是在爱情里面,所以你一定要好好的保护自己。

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Imma Pro

So I just bought this $2 mini fan from Dollarama, thought of maybe it can help cool down my steamy room a little bit. It is a battery operated fan. With so much of expectation, after I put in 2 AA size batteries, this thing won't effing work! I was like wtf, I just wasted $2 + tax on this piece of useless shit. Then, I looked to my left, my green bag full of hardware tools I bought for sculpture class. An thought came to my mind, "why don't I try fix it, I have all the tools I need."

After 10 mins, guess what? IT WORKED! It wouldn't work just now because the red wire detached from the generator, so I just cut a little and pluck it back. I felt so proud, LOL. Is it my first time fixing stuff? I don't really remember, but I have a feeling I fixed quite a lot of stuff back home.


So, say hi to my new yellow friend whom will accompany me for the rest of the summer.

Don't mess with the daughter of hardware guy,
or I should totally change my major to something related to this. LOL

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Love at the first sight?

I always thought this is some kind of bullshit that only appears in movie. In fact, it is not, because it just happened to me recently.

For the first time in my life, the feelings just strike me like that. It frightens me, I never have this feeling before, it is like a mixture of happy, excited, worried, anxious, etc.

He is the guy I ever wanted, the personality, a food lover, a movie lover, do not talk much, and others. I thought I will never had the chance to meet this kind of guy ever in my life *sounds hyperbole but it's true okay lol*, whom fits my criteria, like score a full mark in an exam. I even prepared to be single forever. It just shocked me.

I advised friends about their relationship problems however myself is a total newbie, ironic eh?

Hopefully both of us can work out something. If not, I will not whine or whatever, at least I got to know that my kind of guy do exist.

This is the first time I fall for someone.

Did not expect me to post something like this eh? 
Me neither. 
TOO GELI.
But, meh.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

一个人

一个人很好,不需要迁就,不需要忍受,不需要报告,不需要交代。从来就不喜欢有人24小时跟着我,不管是生活上还是在网上。



一个人很好,想吃饭就吃饭,想跑步就跑步,想睡觉就睡觉,想看电影就看电影。不要因为你无聊就来找我解闷,朋友不是这样的。

Being alone, no promises, no heart broken.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Winter Term 2012

I wanted to blog this once I got all my marks, apparently McCabe is as usual, SLOW. So, this post will be conclusion only as I covered most of the parts in HERE.

Academic
Finally got rid of FAW, although I did not get a decent grade but it's okay. I don't have to deal with English again. LOL What I am talking about, I have tons of research papers to write after this okay. WTF.

As for Introduction to Media and Society, I don't know is the professor problem or what, I got 50/50 for my finals. Therefore, I think I got A+ for this course but she haven't posted the marks yet so, WTF. However, to be honest I don't think I learned anything from this course, probably is the professor's problem. She is always not in situation and not prepared. Urgh. But thankfully I had her this term because I heard professor last semester is tough. So, good and bad? LOL

Media Literacy is still my favourite subject in Winter term, therefore I got an A- for this! Woohoo! I really hope there is an advanced class for it though because I think it is crucial to be media literate. People nowadays believe whatever they see. Like Facebook is an example, a picture of an incident happened few years ago can be told happened just second ago although is a totally different case happened in a very different location.

Not to forget studio classes! Got B+ for drawing but C for sculpture, WTF. I thought will be another way round since I don't do drawings :X I guess Zeke don't satisfied with my last metal project though. Hahahaha, so, this is my metal "dragon" with mustache, I know, should be whiskers, not mustache, I forgot why I told him mustache. FAIL. lol.

 On the good side, he loved my cardbox camera though, everyone in the class loves it :P It is the only project in the class that can be moved. LOL. So proud :P


However, marks like these made me think of maybe I should really take drawing instead of sculpture again since I got marks like this. But but but drawing is so hard :( Or I should just drop Visual Arts instead. I don't know :|

Classmates
In communication classes like Intro to Media and Society and Media Literacy most of the time I just stick with Thao. Haha. Uhmm, got to know Sarah as well. While in studio classes, I met Yi Ru and Shallen in drawing, but still closer with Yi Ru. In sculpture, although most of the time I am solo but the 3 Chinese will automatically come close to me. And one of them happened to be one of my housemates, a total coincidence, no joke. And most importantly he speak Hokkien too! Haha.

Club/Activities
I am officially the IT Director of AIESEC Windsor and Associate Publication of V.I.S.A. Potentially graphic designer/webmaster for UNICEF, not sure yet. Might wanna sign up for Advice Guru as well, still thinking. LOL Sounds like I wanna kill myself with busy stuffs next semester huh. Did quite a lot stuff in AIESEC though, create posters, flyers, maintain websites, Facebook, Twitter, and just came back from a 5 days conference in Toronto. Will write a separate post about it :)

Friends
Didn't get to know many angmohs though in this semester. But got some long lasting friendships instead :) Like Fantine, YiRu, WeiHaoTian and his engineering gang, AIESEC people and etc :)

Food
Didn't complain as much as before already, got used to it already perhaps, But definitely still miss Malaysian food!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

21st

I am officially 21 years old, have been on this planet earth for 21 years. Long eh? Yea I found it is a little too long as well.

Not sure if staying in Windsor for the summer is a right choice or not. But if just for birthday's sake, I should totally go back home. However, AIESEC has really done a great job in their National Leadership Development Conference in Toronto. And luckily AIESEC Windsor has me occupied if not I am going to death because of boredom in Windsor.

Thanks to these adorable AIESECers of Windsor, they sung me birthday song in a Subway in Toronto :)




Got almost 300 birthday wishes on Facebook, several text messages, and 1 birthday song from Cecilia, my best friend. Oh I got presents from my Japanese host family as well, my parents mailed it to me :)

So, what is it feel like to be 21?

I think my experience is kind of special compare to my fellow friends where they have big big party, shinny clothing, numerous of people attend, awesome looking cake, presents and etc.

Oh wait, I sound like I am complaining. Actually no. I like the way how I became 21, low profile, sometimes I do not like to be treated like the main focus, just do not like it. However, I did not have any cake though, that is the only thing I have concerned. 

I am grateful for what I am having right now. Thank you mum and dad for everything, thank you for trusting me so much, thank you for supporting whatever I am doing. I am trying my best not to let you guys down.

Birthday wishes?
1. Teng lang and Kelinga please get out from my life.
2. VP Comm hopefully.
3. Get the house settled.

Friday, April 27, 2012

梦一场


不得不承认,来到了加拿大已经有234天了,我还是有那种在梦境的感觉。回想这里所发生的一切让我一直感觉好奇妙,有飘在空中的感觉。

我已经习惯这里的生活了吗?我心情稳定下来了吗?会不会有一天我会失去这个漂浮的感觉?

好梦幻,好梦幻。上着白人教授的课,和四周的人说英文,认识世界各地的人,真的是他-妈-的-好-不-真-实!DIU。

大学一(二)年级搞定了,从宿舍搬了出来,开始自己做饭,再也没有机会讲马来西亚华语,niama 这是什么感觉。一直都找不到适当的形容词来形容我现在的心境。

醒来啊醒来,黄颖诗,不要再做梦了。

Thursday, April 12, 2012

You May Say I Am A Dreamer

But I am not the only one.

Took a leadership survey powered by AIESEC. Here is my result:
Your highest value as a leader is adaptability. For you, the best way for young people to make change is being aware about various problems. This means that *drum roll*....You are a dreamer!

For you, understanding and reflecting on problems is the key to making change. You know that it's important to think before you act. If you choose to lead, whether it's locally, nationally, or internationally, your focus on understanding will be important to bring perspective and context to problems. Perhaps you will make brainstorms, or facilitate conversations so that others can develop and understand ideas. Remember, though, that it will be important to collaborate with people who can share your ideas and turn them into actions. In the workplace, perhaps you will use your understanding of ideas to become a product designer, a writer, or a consultant.

Click HERE to find out your leadership style!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Volunteering

I remember a senior in Tzu Chi told me that volunteering is an addiction. This is so true for me now. Plan for next summer is either go to an exchange with AIESEC or to this http://www.workaway.info/.

The volunteering cells in my body start active again. Ahhhhhhhhh.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Swirl Pool

As time pass by, as age grow older, the purpose of my life getting vaguer. I do not know what home is already, neither what Canada is to me. Maybe I should really go home, to recharge myself.

Pre-finals were never easy, is a painful, dreadful, fulled with boredom journey which can lead to you some dead end that you cannot easily escape from it. No matter how many hours you sleep, how many junk food you eat, how many time you spend in the library, nobody gives a fuck.

I am really looking forward for the coming summer, the killer sun, long-lost sweat, eating bak kut teh or other Malaysian food like nobody business.

Freaking hate this feeling of disconnected to the world that I am belong to. Can someone freaking invent a teleport machine?!

妈妈的,最讨厌钻牛角尖了。
人家其他人每天和家人朋友通话我通个屁!你们都不知道我几想你们!上个Skype/Twitter会怎样?

I would totally make a spontaneous travel to somewhere else all by myself, IF I have the money.
DIU.

Please slap this face once you see it. This person need to wake up.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

找不到

在Finals的一个月前不上Facebook是我秉持了几年的举动,因为有效所以就一直在做。但是在这一个月里,感觉上真的与世隔绝。爱我和我爱的人都在Facebook上,Facebook几乎是我们唯一来联系彼此的。就算我常上Twitter和Skype但Facebook仍然是最多人的。

可悲吗?人类之间的感情就靠一个哈佛小子创造的网站来联系了。好多时候我很想把我的Facebook account给删了,毕竟它占了我大部分的时间。可是,虽然我很不想承认,没了Facebook就没了交际。再加上AIESEC和VISA我都被委任为他们page的管理员,有点进退两难。

有没有想过,Facebook上的你和真实世界的你,哪个才是真的你?

对我而言,网上的我才是真的我。我是个从小就是个anti social的怪胎,直到Internet的出现,我才知道我属于哪里,那个虚幻的世界。但是说到底,是网络塑造了我;还是我create了网上的我?为什么我可以在网上说什么都可以说多久都可以总是有话题,到了现实我就是个安静到要死的白痴?我一直以为是我嘴巴的问题原来我的脑也有问题。我的脑就好像有automatic social shut down system般,不说话,就算有话要说也是要在心里脑里练习100次。这也是为什么我比人慢一拍。

如果把电脑电话都丢了,我还会会是谁的谁吗?

这些是我到了加拿大才有的dilemma,若是有一天你在网上找不到我了,不需要找我了,因为我不想被找到。

p/s: media真的不好读,它揭露了这世界上的骗局,一切一切都是金钱在耍着它的伟大魔法,唆使高阶层人欺骗低阶层人的感情,榨取他们的血汗钱,再告诉他们要努力赚钱才会成功种种屁话。

FUCK, STUPID NONSENSE PLEASE GET OFF FROM MY HEAD! TOO MUCH PHILOSOPHY! TOO MUCH MEDIA LITERACY! WHY CAN'T THIS WORLD BE MORE NORMAL A LITTLE?!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Pre-Final Syndrome


So, 2 research papers are down, 3 big drawings are done, left 1 metal assignment and 2 FAW II tasks. Oh yea, come one motivation, I still need you!

Both of my papers are like shit, hope both lecturers won't puke blood when reading them :D

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Summer Movies

MUST-WATCH list for this summer

1. The Avengers
2. The Expendables 2
3. The Dark Knight Rises
4. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
5. Snow White and the Huntsman
6. Men in Black 3
7. Step Up 4
8. The Bourne Legacy
9. The Amazing Spider-Man
10. Total Recall

Oh wait, all action and sci-fi? My, I am a nerd. Eh, I forgot Titanic 3D. :P


Monday, March 19, 2012

Bring It On

Kinda lucky lately.

But more shits coming.
Research paper 1 down 1 more to go.
Finals: 27 days to go.

And Spring/Summer is here already!
Shorts mode; ON

Sunday, March 18, 2012

St. Patrick's in the USA

So, AIESEC Michigan invited AIESEC Windsor to their St. Patrick's party. I went, saw and did things that I never expect.

1. Played Kings (Circle of Death) and Horserace, Beerpong, saw Sandkage.
2. Had shots and play pool at the same time.
3. Overnight in a frat house. *This is a big o-m-g*
4. Had green beer in the noon. Green beer is really green in colour and it taste like shit.
5. Underage drinking.

Americans have lots of game to make themselves drink, they are darn creative and crazy. Something interesting about 5 is, fraternity actually has some people and rules to protect them who underage drinking from the cops. Mind blown. I could never drink like them, from 9pm yesterday night and probably still going on now.




I probably got wasted, but shh. Once in a life time right? ;)

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Due dates!

1. FAW II due on 15th.
2. Media literacy paper due on 22nd.
3. Media and Society paper due on 26th.
4. Drawing Independent Project II on 26th as well.
5. Sculpture 4th assignment due on 2nd.

Another little things.
1. 2 meetings to attend tomorrow.
2. AIESEC Michigan St. Patty's Party on the 17th.
3. AIESEC Windsor GA on the 18th.
4. V.I.S.A volunteer recognition reception on 23rd.
5. Relay for life on 23rd as well.

I AM GONNA DIE SOON.

p/s: Sorta deactivating my Facebook again, it's exactly 1 month before finals. I will only announce here because only readers here really care. LOL. Will be back to Facebook on the 17th of April.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Do It Motherfucker



















Credits to www.doitmotherfucker.com
p/s: I have to shrink it so that they would it into this template :/

Rude but very motivational. I am 21 already, I have no time to waste, no extra energy to play around. Do it, do it, motherfuckers don't fear shit! 加油!

In fact, this is how I talk to myself usually. I call myself bitch/ass/siaoeh/cb sometimes, because most of the time I am in hibernation status, I need something that is powerful enough to catch my attention, to make me stay awake. So far, using vulgar words is the most reliable method. I am a weirdo. LMFAO.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

F.A.M.I.L.Y

Just Skyped with mum, she told me a lot, some good things and some bad things.

1. 4th uncle is getting marry next week.
2, Grandma admitted into hospital.
3, Bro gave up study.
4. Lil bro finally committed into studies.
5. THEY ARE COMING TO VISIT ME THIS AUGUST! :D

I hate it sometimes for being not able to participate in those events, like 4th uncle's wedding. Their family mean a lot to me, especially 4th uncle's passed-away wife, she was my baby sitter as well. She is the kindest person I ever met, mum once said, without her, my dad's company won't even exist, because she helped my dad when he needed help the most. Sadly, diabetes and stroke took her away from me. I heard the new bride looks like her a lot, even her personalities, I really want to meet her in person if I have the chance. Also, grandma's case worries me a lot, my mum said her report will be released today, hopefully nothing happen to her. If I were there, I am definitely the one will be by her side, accompany her in the hospital. Please get well soon grandma. The others are good news, don't have/want to elaborate more. :P

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Chinese Mandarin Versus Malaysian Mandarin

I wanted to write this long time ago but I always forgot. Have to admit that Malaysian Mandarin is indeed not authentic after the blend of Hokkien, Malay and some other dialects. These are some words that I learnt after I came here:

1. 本科 vs degree

2. 挖耳扒 vs 挖耳朵的,洗面奶 vs 洗脸的

3. 麻痹 vs MCB

4. 饭堂 vs / kantin/canteen/吃饭的地方 (with slang)

5. (noun)B, for example 苦B,傻B vs (noun)死了/鸟/到,for example 苦死鸟,傻到~~~~~ (with slang)

Although we share the same ancestor but we are totally different in terms of everything, and I am still learning to accept and adopt, which need a lot of time and patient to achieve it. Is indeed proud to become a Chinese, however excessive patriotism is quite annoying sometimes.

Learn to accommodate, something I need to learn this year.

Also, I have the feeling that I am slowly losing my patience, first time in my life, ever.

#chill #invisible #whocares #whatever #mindyourownbusiness

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Breakaway

Finally, one week of break is here. This week was really hectic, FAW II, drawings, sculpture, media and society, AIESEC, planning for Atlanta trip, and so many others which I can't remember right now. Thank God, most of them are done, and are supposed to be done in this week. Hopefully one week of my absence in Windsor will make things go better. People always screw things up, I tried my best not to, and yet, I failed. When I first came here I told myself, make it perfect, this is your dream after all, make sure no thing can let you down. Screwed housing, screwed friendship, I got what I deserve. Or maybe this is the sign that I have slacked too much? Because I feel very productive in this few weeks, stop spending cash, spent more time on studies, moved freely, in short, loner works perfect for me, just like back in INTI. I don't have to tell anyone where I am going to, what am I doing, what am I going to do, it is just, feeling awesome. I always consider myself as antisocial, I just feel uncomfortable to mix with people, especially with people that are not my kind. I can be very nice when you first met me, some people choose to ignore me when I am not their kind, or I am the one who will ignore them. Speaking of friendship, fate really matters, that's why I really appreciate the friendship between kamfa and DJDD group, they are people who know me well, tolerate me, understand me, support me all, the time. CRAPPPPP.

LOL I am running off from the topic, again.

So! This Atlanta trip is so gonna be awesome! Largest aquarium is the world! Museums! Georgia Tech! Emory! Coca-cola world! Will be visiting a lot of art centers, thanks to Ancient to Medieval and Dr. Giles, you have turned me to an art freak. LOL.


And yet, the annoying FAW II still as annoying as it supposed to be. Peer Review 2 is due on the Monday after the cam back! FML. Who ever invent FAW please go die, you are making people's life miserable! #babble #rant #lifeofanuwindsorstudent


A reminder for myself to make sure I will do it when I come back, because I know I will definitely slack. LOL

Have a pleasant break, people!