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Monday, May 20, 2013

Eh future?

The more I grew older, the more I am unsure about my future path. The dilemma right now is, to live a happy life or to carry on the family business?

I never experience homesick until I come back to Malaysia. Yes, I miss Windsor, I miss everything of it. I never actually think of Malaysia that much when I was over there, I don't know why. Maybe is the relationship attachment, I do not have a lot back home.

Until now, I honestly do not know what kind of career I want to do, the only thing I am certain is, I will be travelling a lot, and end up in a western country, own a cottage and farm, at last die there. So before that comes, what should I do?

I do not have any expertise nor a good looking degree that makes everyone want to hire me. And the bigger problem is, I do not know which country I should stay in right now. One is homeland, one is a place I can find myself.

Don't even talk about get married, I will die alone. Yea.

What Canada Did to Me

23 days in Malaysia have made me realized how Canada has changed me so much, physically and mentally.

Weight
Being a failed Malaysian that does not like to eat spicy and seafood, Canada was a paradise for me. In Malaysia, chili sauce seems to be the default condiment for burger, every time when I order a burger I have to keep remind the person not to put chili sauce, but I still get spicy burger sometimes. On the other hand in Canada, ketchup, as known as tomato sauce for Malaysian is the first choice for most of the food. This is one of the reasons I love Western countries. I seem to eat most of the food served in Canada, the comparison was kind of striking for such a picky person like me. So yea, I gained weight, I am having a good BMI right now, not gonna lie. I was forever underweight before this.

Weather Tolerance
Before going to the Great White North, I was considered a person who has a decent weather tolerance. I can stand either hot and cold very well, at least I did not complaint. After Canada's -20 degrees Celsius in winter and 35 degrees Celsius in summer, I thought that Malaysia's forever summer is nothing. However, it proves that I was wrong. I cannot really stand the heat in Malaysia anymore, I have been sweating here everyday. Have been indulging myself in air conditioned rooms for most of the time, I know it is bad, but I just cannot stand it. Imagine sweating and have running nose at the same time, the feeling sucks.

Sleeping Behaviour
It is hard to imagine that I could be so productive at Windsor, which I still could do a lot of work even though I only had 6 hours of sleep the day before. However in here, somehow, 12 hours of sleeping just cannot do any work, I will utilize every free time I have to pay back some sleep debt. I do not really know what does this has to do with the setting but my dad says it is because I have more responsibilities over there that makes me cannot sleep well, however at home, I do not have to worry about anything that's why I have good sleep. Not a very acceptable reason though. Perhaps I am still living in the Canada hour.

Safety Awareness
Before coming back, my friends have warned me about the declining safety in Malaysia. At first, I do not realize it, until my mum threw me alone somewhere in Bukit Tinggi. She asked me to stay there for a while because she gonna go bank. So, I stood in front of a mamak for half an hour, the whole process was terrifying, I do not know why. Maybe it is the feeling of pedestrians gave me, those weird stares, no warm greetings or smiles like how Canadians would give to strangers. Sense of being safety includes driving on the road as well. People in Klang drive more dangerous than ever, they seemed rushing every time. I can not really drive like how I used to be anymore.

Mentality is a huge one. Everything I see right now seem abnormal, I will compare it with Canada. One of the things that has been troubling me is the value of money of Malaysian and Canadian. In homeland, seem like everything we do, money is the driver. Whereas in Canada, happiness is the ultimate, business comes second. I already have Canada's perception since young, so I cannot say that Canada has switched my Malaysian ideology, I am not a very money-minded person, I used to complaint to my parents that they had been giving me too much of pocket money, not even kidding. My family is the most obvious example, in a normal family dinner, my dad would just keep talking about business, everything is money related, every amount mentioned is a thousands and above. Malaysia is very much dominated by capitalism, even the weekend activity could be just go to the mall and spend money.I know it is unfair to accuse Malaysians have a very strong 铜臭味 but I honestly do not know how to view this practice and neutralize it. It makes me feel like Malaysians are doing everything to get something from someone (government especially), Canadians are more about giving out, which they focus on volunteering, charities, etc. And more importantly, everything is so heart warming over there, it makes you believe that everything you do is being appreciated, although saying 'thank you' is just being polite, but it truly will brightens a person's day. I don't know if I should say Malaysian is being rude or what, but what I am trying to say is that, communications could be a lot better if we don't use negative words that much, put in more patience in managing relationship. Facebook is one of the best platform to showcase how Malaysians talk to each other, especially during GE2013, it was just depressing to me, discourse battle everyday about politics, so disturbing and at the same time worrying about Malaysians' media literacy. At the same time, amazed how media can easily manipulate people's mind. It makes don't know which side to go with, either go with the flow or have my own point of view. But whatever right now, I am a Malaysia that has a Canadian mind now, having mind fuck everyday.

Apa khabar? Bonjour? Kanasai la!