There was an error in this gadget

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

BEST BUDS FOREVER!

Seriously I love ji muis very very very muchie! Okay la, I might sound a bit bimbostic here, but who cares! When I talk about them I will smile automatically! Hahahahaha!

We have so many inside jokes between us, promises, blah blah blah. Our chit chat topic is just endless, no boundaries, whatever! These sounds a bit kiddo-ish but this is what friends are! Right? We 4 promised each other to become each others' bridesmates. HOHOHO! And another one, to travel to Bali after I graduated from Canada and another 2 of them have stable job! So lets just hope that Bali still exist by that time. :D

We laughed a lot, we did a lot stupid things, sampat whenever we can, never quarrel before, can you believe that? This is just how our relationship works. =P


I LOVE YOU GUYS! ♥

Saturday, March 26, 2011

With These Friends Farewell Night 2011

So yea, there goes my third prom in my life, well, first one was informal, so this is the second formal prom in my life. =P

This prom have a unique name, called WTF! Means "with these friends", cool huh. Can let people remember it easily, and also when someone scold WTF you can recall like "oh, I attend a prom called WTF where all my friends were there, spending our precious time in M'sia, or bla bla bla something like that." Bravo for whoever creates this awesome name! ;D

Basically this is a farewell dinner for JPA scholars in AUP, INTI as this is their final semester here. So, you might ask, "Why you were there? You not scholar also." Ok la, I kepo okay? LOL In fact I wanna go to this prom at the very first time after the OC sent the event invitation to me via Facebook, however after I think twice, no one can accompany me go eh, in addtion I don't know most of the scholar, so I drop the thought to go. Why I feel like going eh? This semester also my last semester here, and also, like I said, I'm kepo/busybody. LOL Ok la, just feel like wanna leave a pretty memory in AUP, okayyyy? Later then, think third, wanna wear dress, high heels bla bla bla, so problematic, then I give up of thinking to go already.

Not until the OC sent me message personally asked me to go. O.o Then I told him my reason (no one to accompany). Who knows he said he can accompany me, or will put me with people I'm comfortable/familiar with. :O Okay, I'm sorta convinced. Then he said, go lar, make this also your farewell dinner as this is your last semester here. Walao. Straight to the bulleye! LOL. And also, joined in their organizing team, well, part time lar, just helped a little, bought them for the crew. =P

Speaking of my outfit for that day, was EPIC how that dress came from. =.= SUPER! It was a usual yamcha session with my lovely friends, at Witchery Idea, Meru. In some part of the conversations I was sort of complaining I have no dress to wear, or I don't know what to wear, something like that. Guess what, these 3 little missy straight away dragged me to go dress hunt. =.= You know, I'm not a so-girl girl, so I just stoned in the shop and let them pick. =.= And I'm not a picky person though, as long as I feel comfortable with it and my girls like it then I will just wear it. Didn't care much about it. LOL. So yea, spent about Rm230+ on that dress, for me a lil over because I usually don't spend these much on beautifying myself, especially on buying dress. =.= Next mission, buy heels! WTF. I kept on emphasized to them that the heels cannot over 3 inch, bla bla bla. In the end, they gave up finding it because most of the heels don't have my size! Voila! I decided to wear my mum's like when I wear to CPU's prom. =P BUT THEN after I searched in the entire home, I couldn't find that shoe! WTF. Instead I found a 3 inchs red heels, which doesn't suit the colour of my dress at all. Walaoeh, don't care d lar. This is only what I got for now. Don't-ever-ask-me-purposely-go-buy, kill-you-ah.

So yea, this is the pic when I was testing on the dress in my INTI room, after captured it then post to Facebook for my friends to criticize. LOL

So yea, this. LOL
*You may laugh if you want*
The first thing they said is the bag, doesn't suitable. But what can I do? I already Nilai, I can't purposely drive back to Klang and grab something right? =.=

Morning of the day, I've got my first task, to fetch 2 of the event decoraters of the event to the town to buy some decorative stuffs. 2 malay girls though, Anna and her friend. Know Anna since last semester and we have a common subject this semester however ironically, we didn't talk much during the whole ride. Silent much. Eek.

After that back to INTI campus then wait all the committees to gather up, move everything they need on to the bus, heads count, bla bla bla, then the OC sent 3 helpers to sit my car, so that I won't feel bored when driving alone. :D So yea, the 3 helpers are Enthel, Shawntel and Nina. Cool name they have huh! :D Well, I already sort of know Enthel because she also study in AUP, but before this we never speak to each other, or very few. So, my little red Honda was following INTI bus that full of committee all the way to The Legend Water Chalet, Port Dickson. Whole journey around 1 hour like that. 3 of us talked a lot in the car but the end of 15mins like that Enthel falled asleep, not sure about the 2 behind me, can't see, concentrate in driving.

After parked my car nicely then carry all the stuffs to the rest room bla bla bla. Set ups, rehersals, decorations, drove out with Shawntel and Aizat to buy lunch for the people, bathe, dress up, lilttle make up by Enthel, waiting guests to come, redcarpet, get into seat, FINALLY!

While waiting for guests, we already start snapping photos like nobody business.


This is how the ball room looks like.


Enthel, me, and Shawntel.


Me and Nina.


One of the attractions of the night, LAMB LEG!!! With herb sauce. Droolssssss.

The event starts off with the National Anthem, very scholar-ish ey. XD
Then the video message from students already at USA clashed with Muslims' prayer time, so yea, they can't see the videos. Technical problem and some miscommunication.

Next on,1 minute Silence/Prayer Moment for Tsunami Victims in Japan + 1 minute Earth Hour.


And the performance comes up. First, 你那么爱他by James Lim and Chin Chai.


Next, singing Performance by Kah Wai & Michael, they sang 浪花一朵朵 if I'm not mistaken.


Chin Chai sings 你是我的眼,seriously, I never thought of someone will sing this song on this ocassion, because this song is effing hard to sing, bravo dude!


Kah Wai, Michael, and Wee Boon performed a remix Chinese song.

And the most important program of the night,

DINNER! *FOOD!*

While enjoying the food, we've got Sin Ruow to perform Avirl Lavigne's song, and played by 2PTG band.

Cool cool cool. :D


Then, we had a toasting ceremony, everyone should "yamseng" like hell! P/s: no alcohol. =P

Next on, Q&A session for Prom King and Prom Queen nominees.

Prom Queen nominees: LiAnn, SinRuow and HueyHuey.
Prom King nominees: James Lim, WeeBoon and Danial(not in the photo)

The nominees will be asked questions like if you given a wish, what would you wish for, or is there anything you dislike about Malaysia and etc.


I like LiAnn's answer for the wish question. =P No armpit hair for girls! lol.

Then then, time for best dress (male and female) and best couple.
I didnt manage to snap a pic for male best dress, I was in the wash room. :S
So here goes, the best dress for female.


Don't know her name, sorry. =/

And best couple of the night!


Symone and Rizal! Woots! :D

And at last,

Danial! The Prom King! :D


Prom Queen HueyHuey! =)

The dance floor starts off with a dance by some of the girls in the organizing team.

Nobody, nobody but you! :D

And the party is on! But not much people wanna go high, most of the people in the dance floor are committees, lol. Then the crowd become lesser and lesser and lesser until the remaining of us move to a side of the floor. LOL. Until the DJ start playing soft music for couple then the floor is flooded again. Haha. After few songs then we're done! Huh, so fast?! O.o Potong steam eyy!

LiAnn's peformance. at last. =)

Malaysiaku Gemilang

Next on, photo time! :D


SiewLee


LiAnn


The OC and his 2 partners. LOL. Vemala, Yoong Shen and me.


Enthel, me and Symone.


Chris Yong.


Afif.

Overall for the night, heels killed me so badly. legs painnnnn. As for the enitre program, was good, I enjoyed, had fun. =) Bye bye my AUP friends, all the best and good luck in US, hope we can see each other again.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

I AM SO STUPID!

I AM SO STUPID!
I AM SO STUPID!
I AM SO STUPID!
I AM SO STUPID!
I AM SO STUPID!
I AM SO STUPID!

2/30! MOST RIDICULOUS SCORE I 'VE GOT IN MY LIFE! WHAT THE F*CK!
I STUDIED, I REVIEWED, I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING TAUGHT IN CLASS, DID THE TEST CONFIDENTLY,
BUT WHY?

SERIOUSLY, I EFFING HATE MY BRAIN!

MUST NOT FAILED IN ANY TESTS ANYMORE! NO-FACEBOOK PERIOD HAVE TO PUSH FORWARD AND EXTEND IT, COMMENCING NEXT WEEK!

KNN KNN KNN KNN KNNNNNNN KNS KNS KNS KNSSSSS

WORST WEEK EVER!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Perfectionist contradiction

*I know, this topic sounds funny, how could a perfectionist would have contradiction? Don't care lah*

*And you might find this post is disturbing and irritating, my advice: DONT READ*

These days, I mean these few weeks I have been always putting myself into a dead end.
Kept on blaming myself for not being perfect.
Especially when I am facing hardship.
Especially when I see people around me are doing better than me.
Most critically is when I don't have any idea what is chemistry all about! F**K!

And then my mind start jumping all around like
- I'm not good enough to study abroad, academically, fine, consider in every aspects.
- I just can't talk much, talk fluently, like others people whom can do very well, blah blah blah not stop. *Do you ever seen me talk for 15 minutes non-stop?* *No, not language problem here.*
- I'm just wasting my parents money.
- I'm effing useless.
- I just cant become more girlish.
- I can't count numbers.
- I can't remember things.
- I am just a sohai person who do sohai things and make people laugh.
- I can't see future in me.
- I don't know what do to in the future.
- I just can't do things right.
- I failed to solve my own problems.
- I want to do so many things but I found that myself is just so tiny.
- I just don't look good.
- I do things according to my sense, I reject people's opinion quite often, however I didn't do that publicly.
- My design is so sucky.
- My brain is so dead.

Is like my life is so eff-ed up. I've done nothing good, nothing that can make my parents feel proud of me. Physically, academically, socially, etc. But both of my brothers does. *Not academically, of course, but still.*

Sometimes really I suffer and feel very depressed until feel like shout F**K out of my apartment room.

The society pressure keep on pushing me to the edge. Things like if you're not good in study means that you're not a good worker for your employer in the future. If you're not good in study you're failed in your life. You're not given any chances in this society if you don't have flying colours in your exam report.

You might say, ahhhh result is not everything. REALLY? Are you certain? How sure are you? Oh why then they have CEO, CFO, CCO, manager, sales, toilet cleaner this kind of hierachy? Ohhhh you might said that because your results in up to standard, but hello mine is not.

Do you know the feelings when people around you major in engineering, computer science, actuarial science, psychology? And their life is like whoa, super entertaining, clubbing, outings, like don't have to study effing hard and A's goes into their pocket. EASY!
And when they ask : " what is your major?"
"media arts."
Mostly they will reply with a "OH" or ask what is that, but in the end still an "OH".
But if you answer "engineering/actuarial science/etc"
Guess what they will respond?
WAH! PRO WOR! DIFFICULT SUBJECT LEH!
Notice the difference?

And when you ask them why you wanna take up engineer since you said this is so difficult?
You might find not much people say 'because I like it", more on "is easier to get a job in the future". OHHHHHH~~


You see, I struggled everyday with these thinkings. Although I've tried to ignore them but the reality seems to pull me back into this vortex. However, isn't quite true? The real world is cruel, harsh, hopeless, money-first and blah blah blah.

When you want to live in a comfort world, have a stable income, people will come ask you, "eh, buy this stock lah, can earn more money!" "eh, buy this unit lah, I confirm the price will rise in this few years!" "eh, buy a bigger house/car lah!" See, even your surroundings won't allow you to have a stable life. Keep on allure you in get the "so-called-wonderful-life, more money more good".

How about success? Everyone strive for very very very hard to reach success. But, what is success really mean? Fame? Wealth?
Right, most of the people are chasing for this.
However, lets think, if said that this world is fair and equal, so there must be some people are rich some people are poor right? Therefore is it mean like you strive very hard from poor to become rich and then eliminate rich people, turn them to poor people? Who knows?

I am effing stress these days. Uni application, INTIMA stuff, Green Knights event, might also involve in Skate club too.
Yalah yalah, some of the people even busier than me I know, they are doing more important things.
Who cares? He/she choose to do that, so do I!
Not that I want to rant, this is my place to express my feelings, the place to throw all of my stresses. I can't find any other ways else to relieve these out.

I often think that this world is messed up, hence I'm messed up too.
Go back plant veges lah.

OH WOW, I AM NOW MUCH RELIEVED!

Monday, March 14, 2011

HOLY SHIT

Gonna be super uber busy for this week because of Sports Fiesta and orientation for March intakers!
Philosophy midterm on Tuesday. My midterm for HIS252 and ECO151 actually not bad though, got 61 for HIS252, Dr. Borges's A is 70, fyi. So you can see that how happy am I. LOL.

AUP With These Friends Farewell Dinner on 26th, they gonna make it as a prom-style.
So yea, I'm going to a prom. Gonna buy a dress on the last day of the orientation as we will be going to Alamanda Shopping Centre, as usual. Have to make it a fast one, if really couldn't get anything from the mall, I shall ask KP back for my flowery dress which I borrowed them for INTIBall. Prom date? Ah. Not consider la, a company gua. But better than CPU's lar, this time is a guy. LOL. Until now I still don't really know people in AUP. This feeling sucks.

Gonna run for 100m tomorrow, one of the sport categories in Sports Fiesta, as no much people sign this up, so I'm registered myself in. LOL. And also, 3 boards awaits me to decorate/design. Will settle one small one tomororw, first. Is our very own Marketing Team board. I have no idea what to do, until now. HOLY SHIT.

Which also mean that I am going to spend 3 weekends at Nilai!
So long Klang, so long Bak Kut Teh, so long my dear friends, I'm gonna miss you all so so much.
See you on 3 weeks time! ARGH!

Apart of that, I actually got quite a lot of draft to post IN MY MIND. However, as you can see, I don't have time to type them out. OUCH.

And OH, the terrible disasters happened in Japan. When I know it's threating Taiwan my heart was like, SHIT! MY BRO IS THERE! Guess what, although he is a big trouble maker in the house but he is the only one who willing to play with me, the one who only respond to my sohai-ness, the one who only will reply me back with rude words, which I kinda like it. LOL. I actually called my mum that to call him to ensure his safety. Apparently she doesn't really believe with the tsunami thing as the earthquake just happened, and the newspaper yet to announce anything. She just don't believe that the internet can be so effecient and fast. LOL. Luckily my brother is safe lah.

I'm so so sorry that this post might be a little confusing as it is not typed according, in fact, MESSED UP. Lack of time to organize it. Hahahahaha.

SHIT, I NEED 48 HOURS FOR A DAY!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

CHEMISTRY PHOBIA

Lecturer points at the projector screen and ask, what is CaCO3?
Some students answered: limestone!

For you, you might think this is effing small case, smaller than a dust.
For me, this is friggin crazy. HOW THE HELL these bunch of numbers can become a stone?
F***
I really facing hard time when study chemistry.
Ca is calcium, Na is sodium, just doesn't make sense to me at all!
And then when they comes with numbers, gosh, driving me more crazy.
2NO is different with NO2?! WTF!

I should have straight away go Canada so that these stupid-non-related-subjects won't pull my result until like shit here.

!@#$%^&* !@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*

So so so many events are going on and guess what?
I like it! Instead of study in class.
WTF all the classes like so dead, everyone do their own things, don't even give a shit to you or they just mix with their gang their little social circle.

Every time before test I asked "Have you studied for the test?" The answer is always "NO", and then the next second you will see his/her test paper is full of words! Literally EVERYONE! WTF.

Okay, I admit that I am very stressed.
Mind you, I don't have good mood these days.
Better dont try to trigger the fuze,
if not be prepared to get boom.
I may look good, normal, fine, even on Facebook,
in fact is not.

WTFWTHGGKNNKNSEGGCAKE!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

p/s: I need to take IELTS

Saturday, March 5, 2011

天上多了颗星星

收到消息:
March 2 2011 1.07PM- WaiYee just admitted into hospital. Vomit lots of blood. In emergency unit now. Doctor said slim chance to survive.
March 2 2011 2.58PM- Just sent home. In a not so good condition, however she still a little bit concious.
March 2 2011 3.15PM- Her face are swollen, mouth full of blood.
March 3 2011 3.12AM- She is gone.

你是我所看过最坚强的人,我记得师伯说过你坚持茹素尽管医生不建议你那么做。
你是我所看过最开朗的人,我记得有人告诉我你在往生的当晚发高烧,他们给你吃冰淇淋,你无法说话,你竖起了你的大拇指。

他们说你走的当晚,雷电交加,下着很大很大的雨。
出殡前,天气很热,大家都汗流浃背。
在大家都在埋怨的时候,天气突然之间转凉,之后下起了大雨。
那是你吗?
我相信是。

当装着你的棺材被皮轴带走时,眼泪真的忍不住掉了下来,念着的佛号的嘴巴也在颤抖。
第一次体验到失去一个人的感觉,那种心痛的感觉。

你的离开,我相信大家都会伤心的,不过同时的我们也为你感到开心,因为你终于解脱了,不在受病痛折磨。

你的笑容,你的笑声,一直都很开朗的你,会永远活在我们心中。
谢谢你,慧怡,出现在我的生命里,也让我看到了精神会战胜一切。
阿弥陀佛。感恩你。

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

我累了,学坏可以吗?

我想做个坏孩子,
那样就不用每天徉装着笑容,
明明不快乐,还要笑嘻嘻着。

何时觉得自己变得安静,
不爱说话了。
面对一些事,却是无奈的面貌。

何时觉得自己是那么没用,
面对自己不想做的事却还要去做、
自己却无能为力。

何时觉得自己是那么没用,
曾想改变身边的一切但自己不得不向社会的残酷现实低头。
不得不向别人低头。

何时觉得自己变得
对待身边一切事情不在乎了,
是因为自己以无力在乎。

何时觉得自己让自己活的那么辛苦,那么堕落。

别人的种种眼光。

是好是坏、自己都分不清楚。

青春的阳光不再明媚,只因自己无力改变。

曾想改变自己这无谓的生活、曾想曾想...

但是却被身边一切残酷的现实给摧残了。

自己内心所受的伤、别人永远也无法懂。

即使自己表面露得多坚强、笑的多开朗,装做多不在乎。

但是在夜里、自己却掉下了多少眼泪。

何时我们的梦想变得不再像是我们的,

我们带着家人朋友的期望下做着自己心里厌恶的东西。

曾想我们变叛逆,但是却一次次想到身边的家人。觉得变坏对得起她们吗。?

我想做个坏孩子,
今天复制昨天,不愿再勉强自己。

我想做个坏孩子,
这样谈何容易?要多大的勇气?

可现实说明我多无能多胆小。

本想自己还算是过的好了,
但是措手不及的伤害又一次次突袭,
让你一次一次痛的快窒息。

曾想我也能像别人生活得那么快乐,
曾想让自己变得快乐一点,但是事与愿违。

让你一次次万般失望,也许这就是命运在捉弄。

不要以为我很坚强,很快乐。

如今淡漠只是武装自己不受伤。

我不喜欢别人把我看的脆弱,
也不喜欢别人以为我很不快乐。
坏孩子的天空到底是怎样的?堕落?迷茫?颓废?
还是外人无法欣赏的美好?我向往着…

我怕自己变成坏孩子!

我怕最爱我的你们会不再爱我,不要我,会离开我。
我害怕你们的离去,所以我没有变坏,而是尽力让自己变成你们期待的。
其实每个人都不是想学坏的、可是现实对我们太残酷了。
坏孩子?变成家人、朋友不喜欢的人?

你们还会爱那个坏孩子吗?

但我可以说
这一切也是你们直接或间接造成的、
是你们亲手把一个好孩子拉进坏的边缘。
自己何尝不想成为大家所喜爱的好好孩子,只是自己做得到吗?

越长大越孤单 越长大越不安
也不得不看梦想的翅膀被折断
也不得不收回曾经的话问自己

青春就是这样吗?
自己的人生就是这样吗?
自己就这样认命吗?

其实我们本质并不坏,
只是压力大了,难以承受,
只是自己承受不了身边一些不好的事情。

一些不如意的事情,才会想要自己变坏,变叛逆,
让自己离别人的期望越来越远,以为这样就可以逃离你们给我们的压力,
现在你们对我们的期望更大,收回的失望更是大。

如果我说

''我累了,我可以变坏吗?'''

就这一秒钟,

让我为自己的骄傲而活着!

做个好孩子我们真的在努力了。

----- Copied from Facebook ---

As a child, when we failed to meet our parents' expectation,
we will feel sad and guilty too.
Sometimes when we can't make things right,
or things that parents thinks has benefits to us,
is not entirely our fault.

We've been trained to become how to make more money in the future,
instead of how to face the real world, as known as the reality.
Without this ability, we will find difficulties to handles pressure, stress, criticism from others,
and next lead to depression, maybe ended up commit suicide.

Really,
does an obedient child able to adapt to the society when he has grown up?
We learn to obey what the elderies say,
we listen to their experiences,
does those really can help us?
In this century,
in this era?
Perhaps it does, but just a little bit of them.
This world is changing everyday,
information,
way of life,
technology,
just everything!

Look at Bill Gates,
look at Mark Zuckerberg.
Are they good kids when they were young?
NOT REALLY.
Their way of seeing this world made them extraordinary,
they are not restricted by school regulations, the norms,
instead they create their own way,
do their own things.
Basically,
they just don't care those restrictions.
And now, both of them are freaking rich!
So yea, basically they are the role model for being disobedient kid!

CRAP, WHY AM I TALKING ALL THESE.
SOMETHING WRONG IN ME.
LOL.