Tuesday, January 22, 2013

What is Your Shoe Size?

I probably sound pathetic by keep saying I am taking 6 courses, involving in 3 clubs and have an on-campus job in this semester. Yea, those are nothing, I do not deserve to have a rest, I cannot whine, I cannot tell the others how tired I am, I cannot drop all of my responsibilities right now, I cannot disappoint the others, and yada yada yada.

Friends do not understand my stresses, never mind. But mum's ignorance is way too much for me to bear, I am trying my very best to be your so called perfect daughter, so that I can be better than your friend's daughter. All those things I am doing right now is not enough? How can I make you happy and be proud of me? Be a psychology major? Get a boyfriend? Graduating this year? What the fuck do you want from me? All I ever ask from you is just some compliments.

Some people when they are facing problems they will look for someone to talk to, for most of the time I am the listener, I cannot say that I am a good listener, however I do try to put myself in others' shoe when I am trying to give them advice. Why is it never the another way round? Hey, I have problems too! Can't some people just shut the fuck up and listen to me? Or just zip up and let me release stress in my own way? You guys make me feel like I do not deserve being tired, I am not good enough to say I need some rest. Once again this makes me lost faith in human relationships. So called friends? Pfft. Mum? Pfft. I am the one and only person who I can trust and have believe in, no one else.

And it is just the third week of school. Please do not break down, at least not now.

I just want someone to listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. No pun intended.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

2013 already? Goddamnit.

And I am 22 already. New year, new semester, new hair, new resolution.

One of the things I need to do this year: have-no-mercy, I have to stop do things that has no benefits for me. I am enough and tired of doing stuff for other, right now, is time to think for my own, only myself. Do I sound selfish? Think of how much you people made use and took granted from me. Now I just want to have more time for myself, I do not even know what I want, who I am already.

Second thing,  try to stay alive. 6 courses, on campus job, 4 extra co curricular activities that I have big responsibilities on, maybe (hopefully) the OC of a big event,  perhaps there are something else but I can not remember right now, lol.

Third, be prepared to be home. I have tried a lot of negative stuffs from people study abroad went back home. Like things changed, peopled changed, yada yada. Ultimate plan, if back home bound disappoints me I will just go on a food trip, concentrate on food hunting only.

Lastly, try not to be single anymore? I think I have this in all of my resolutions but it never work out, so, meh. Does not really put high hope on this though.

So uh, happy new year? Congratulations for being still alive after the so-called Mayan's end of the world.