Thursday, December 31, 2015

Some New Year New Shit

Have been wanting to find a time to write, to talk to myself again.

I don't remember where I wrote or said this, but when one grows older, he/she will slowly become the person he/she dislike. There was a moment one day I shocked myself because I have turned so much like my mum, luckily it was just one second. Never again, lol.

Life after university honestly is not that great, at all. It's like after you got out from that place and get into this real world so to speak, and you can't see the end. I mean while in school you know you have 4 years to finish your degree, but in this 'real' world, what is the next milestone? The fact that not seeing a midpoint or an end is fucking scary.

Most of the people I know would be like they want to earn 5 digits salary, they want to go to this corner of the world, they want to buy a house, a car, get married, have kids live happily ever after then die in peaceful. Is that all? Is this all life is about? Is it not these are the reasons why I wanted to get out from Malaysia so badly, to get away from all these materialistic-driven lifestyle? If not then why I am here, what am I doing here now.

After graduation and got hired, my lifestyle has been gradually turning back to my Malaysian lifestyle, stay home, Facebook, read random, not educational articles, go out in the weekends. I stopped learning, I stopped dreaming big, I stopped being ambitious, why am I doing this.

Can't ignore how AIESEC has changed my perspective on life; every single life we touch is an impact, I do hope I made some impact though.

Another thing that makes me unhappy is that, after all those things I have done for AIESEC, I thought I will land a good job because of it, I was so confident that I will get a lot of offers and get hired instantly. However reality hit me real hard, there were times I actually broke down and thought of packing all my bags and never come back again, eventually I did not because I know if I go back to my motherland, I WILL NOT BE HAPPY. My parents will be sad to hear this but at first, when I found it hard to accept as well, why won't I love my own country? I mentioned that I did not have culture shocks when I first landed Canada, I immediately felt home. I always feel that my personality and interests are more Canadian, I always feel that I can contribute to this country, sorry Malaysia, it is not about politics, it is what my heart telling me. This feeling became more obvious the longer I left Canada, especially when I know I have very little friends back there now, those so-called best friends? They are 'busy' when I will be back, so yeah, to be honest I do not expect more as in relationship back home, I have been absent in their lives for 5 years, things have changed, people changed as well, I cannot expect them to treat me the same as 5 years ago. If there is a 5 years old child, he/she will be like 'Who the fuck are you? Are we even close?", yup, that kind of feeling.

So yeah, my Chinese New Year plan will be like, stay home, munch cookies, meeting up relatives and bond with family, and of course, give my lil bro a crash course about North America.

They said after working hour it's the time to work on yourself, I really need to get my shit altogether if not I have the feeling that I will regret and turn back to be an ordinary soon or later.

Old as shit but here are the things I want to do in 2016
1. Join Rotary
2. Read marketing and leadership books
3. Controlled eating
4. Move more
5. Reconnect old friends

Basically to have a life in the new year, have something to look forward to, something to work on, something to learn, and something to appreciate.

Ending my AIESEC experience will be fucking painful as it has been with me since I started my journey in Canada. Thank you for the amazing eye-opening experience. I shall grant you a separate post soon, lmao.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Why...because they can.

Not sure why, but I kept seeing this sentence recently.

One is from Promethus:
David: Why did your people make me?
Charlie Holloway: Because we could.

Another one is from the recent Humans of New York - Aya's series
"Why the US government declined her refugee's application?" "Because they can."

Not sure where will this post brings but I am amazed by how we as human being can create and take away things at the same time.

Did anyone think about this when comes to climate change? It is December here in Toronto already, but there is zero sign of snow. I can't say if this is normal because 4 years ago, I experienced a late winter as well, it was my first winter in Canada too.

Maybe this applies to my current life right now as well, can I make a change? I do have choice not to live what I am living in right now, but why I am hesitating? Day by day, I am have becoming complecent to my job, or so to speak, I feel comfortable doing it.

Just looked at Rotary Skyline's chapter today, it does sound intriguing, but the question is, can I committ? Is it true that work life drains your energy? Why do I feel like I did so much in university yet I always still have space for something else; in the contrary right now after I came home from work, I just do not have the energy to even think, despite I have responsbilities piling up - AIESEC works.

Where am I getting into here?

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Playing Catch Up

To be honest, I have been hesitating to compose an entry, because I feel like once I started I will be writing for at least an hour.

It's been a while I have never write for myself and communicate with the inner me. Yup, have been busying writing social media posts and some works that people think that I am wasting my time.

So let's see what have happened since my last entry eh. Well the actual post about myself was published on October 30th, 2013, which is like around 2 years ago, I wrote a sentence, I have been getting a lot of butterflies in stomach these days, just saying." and few days after that kabaam, yours truly is in a relationship, maybe should find a day to write a post about the process and nitty gritty.

2014 was an amazing one, well I had to look back to my Facebook photo albums to find out what I did this year, I can't remember a lot but IC2014 in Taiwan.

Let's start with Winter semester 2014 shall we? So I went to Montreal and Quebec trip with the ISS group, it was fucking freezing but I enjoyed quite a bit despite that was my 3rd time in Montreal. And then Orlando and I single-handedly pulled the first ever (probably the last) multicultural gala in University of Windsor. Working with a diverse group could be frustrating but if you manage the time well and have a lot of patience, you will do just fine. The event was a blast, university staff loved it obviously, they are the one who always brag about UWindsor diversity at the same time keep cutting the budget of ISC. Uhmm and what else? Oh, I ended my term as VISA coordinator, to be honest it was quite a relieve, knowing that I do not have to organize event for EVERY fucking FRIDAY anymore just feel so, ah, awesome. Don't take it wrong, I love my team, well most of them, except one or two people that did not willing to cooperate and keep getting the club into trouble, for example got into a fight with the Indian Student Association, yup, thank you. Well I cried at the end too, not because of sentiment or shit like that. It was because of another team member and some stupid ass recognition, okay at this point I do not know if I should continue writing without names or just make the blog private already. Okay back to the point, your granny - me, I did so much for the school and did I expect to get anything? No, well secretly yes, but I will not go to the extend that I have to force someone to give me that certificate! Yup, someone did that to me and I broke down at the Korean restaurant, no big deal. Overall, I do love my team, and am still connecting with some of them.

Hmm, is that it? I do not remember too much about school because after year 3, my priority has been co-curricular > classes, yup. Wait I do remember that I took couple photography classes that costed me a fortune.

And then summer happened, went to my second NLDC in Guelph, to be frank besides being the Home Group Leader, I did not actually learn a lot of things (sucks being old in AIESEC), but I did get to meet a lot of people that are rising stars today. But it is an AIESEC, crazy shits happens, yup throughout the conference I never sleep in my bed lmao. Someone was being clingy because after the conference I will only get to see him after 4 months, and his roommate is this year Western's LCP, the awkwardness, but I bet he was drunk as fuck, he won't recognize me LOL.

Okay I think that's good enough for today, because the next part should totally get its own entry.

Till then,