There was an error in this gadget

Saturday, April 20, 2013

无恋

disclaimer: 此文含有酒精,若什么文字奇怪的地方请见谅。

不知道这是个诅咒还是什么,这种事情会偶尔发生一次,而且每一次发生我都会纠结几个星期。就是,被好朋友告白

好吧,其实是几乎每一个比较要好的男生朋友都会end up这样。我不知道是我哪里做错了还是我本来就有问题,不然就是我太白痴,相信这世界上会有男女纯友谊。问了几个男生,他们对这种关系的看法不一样,也很极端。每一次遇到这种问题的时候,我脑里的答案一般都是“我喜欢你吗?还是那种感觉是一种依赖?”然后之后会变成“我完全没有想谈恋爱的欲望”,在最后想法会成为“就算在一起之后会怎么样?会和现在有什么分别?” 再然后就会想,他和我之前那么要好就是为了要这样?还是日久生情?到最后就会对这份感情的quality产生怀疑。

我觉得,千错万错应该都是我的错吧?第一是,越没感觉的男生玩的越好;越喜欢的我只会从远处望/偷窥。第二是,(朋友说的)我给他们太多机会?一起吃饭看电影去图书馆算机会吗?但是如果要我和一个正常女生做这些的话我真的会受不了。主要是没有话题,再来是女生很麻烦,什么都要人迁就。我说这些完全没有想诋毁女生的意思,我只是觉得我和一般女生不太处得来,和她们在一起我觉得我比较像个男生。最最主要的是,不能随心所欲的讲话,说实话女生的谈话内容,我一般聊不起来,除非聊食物和帅哥,男朋友首饰台韩港剧服装化妆保养品这些我真的是能说sorry了,我试着去了解,不行,头会痛。

很多时候我怀疑自己是同性恋,更多时候可能是无性恋,(对啦我是yeast LOL)。一般想到“就算在一起之后会怎么样?会和现在有什么分别?”这个问题后我会很害怕,因为会导致我想到“我真的能和这个人过上日子?”这种问题。然后会想到我的人格,我自己很清楚如果和我是泛泛之交的会觉得我很好相处,相识级别高一点的惊喜会越多。我有想过不想隐藏我多数的人格,但是来了加拿大这个想法只能被完全去除了。因为我在这里所谓的“改变,”大部分马来西亚的亲朋戚友都不赞同。我只是想说,我没有改变,我在这里所做的一切一切都是我梦寐以求的,都是埋葬在我心底深处的渴望。但是,看来没有人能谅解,都会以“啊这不像是颖诗会做的事情、啊颖诗变了”说真的,这类的话非常的伤我,不只会把我打成原形,也会让我不想回去。因为我在这里真的很快乐,几乎我做的每一件是都很有意义,都会在某一种形式上帮到别人,然手享受那种走在街上认识70%的人那种感受。当然,这是好的一面,不好的一面,我觉的有时候我还蛮恶劣的,尤其是内心语言上。我不喜欢一个人的话,我会打从心底把你祖宗十八代骂光 LOL 好啦回正题。所以我觉得我性格方面不是每一个人都可以接受得了的,如果要的话我也先得过我自己这关。不过目前为止,没人闯得了,包括我自己已经死了很多条命了。

总之,恋爱这种东西我能离多远就多远。我-完-全-不-想-碰,老娘要当尼姑,老娘不想嫁啦,靠。我不想害人,不想制造麻烦的下一代,把未来都给毁了。我自认没有那种资格去和某人长相厮守,传宗接代,不想给别人家我家丢脸。就让老娘我安安乐乐的自己过自己的生活行不?

从现在开始,回到以前,live alone, die alone的生活模式吧。自己和自己吃饭也不错的。

对不起,尤其是H和V,我可能伤了你们,而且都是靠近考试的时候,你们对我来说很重要,但不是那一方面的。诉我自私,我真希望这些不会改变我们的友情。若真的不行,我会在你们眼前消失。 

是是,大家都爱我那雄性荷尔蒙, 爱我那土鳖装女神样。你以为我想啊?!

Friday, April 19, 2013

22 Things You Could Be Doing With Your Life Besides Getting Married

1. Getting an advanced degree in something that has been your passion for as long as you can remember (even if it is Princess Fairy Astronaut Mermaid).

2. Traveling the world and meeting amazing new people (and occasionally getting drunk/sleeping with them, but as it is international, it clearly doesn’t count).

3. Dating various people in your city and having lots of small flings because you want to really take your time to find the right person to settle down with, and you just haven’t clicked to that extent with anyone yet.

4. Taking up a hobby and finding out that you love it enough to start pursuing it as a career on the side.

5. Making adorable crap shaped like kittens and tiny whales and selling it on Etsy.

6. Starting a blog and, despite having an average daily readership of three people including your mother, maintaining and growing it with love.

7. Not even considering being in a romantic relationship because you are simply having too much fun being young and not having to worry about anyone but yourself.

8. Going on road trips with your friends and taking a picture making the duck face (ironically, of course) in front of every monument you pass.

9. Starting a serious (and somewhat costly) love affair with reading, and with the general feel and smell of books in your hand.

10. Having tons of mind-blowing sex with whomever your precious little heart/genitals desire.

11. Learning how to cook and, despite not knowing how to properly boil water at the start, finding yourself able to make some pretty complex recipes.

12. Having dinner parties because you are classy and like to get white wine drunk.

13. Couch surfing and meeting crazy, awesome, fun new people who only ~30 percent of the time smell like bong water.

14. Flipping a house (which seems like a sweet way to make money, but who actually has the time to lay shingles oneself?).

15. Watching every Disney movie in chronological order.

16. Getting back in touch with old friends you’d almost forgotten about and realizing how a change in time or location can do wonders to highlight everything that you always loved about each other but may have taken for granted because of familiarity.

17. Crying over the fact that you will never bone Tom Hardy.

18. Getting really into shape for no reason other than you want to wake up every morning with a lot of energy and feel incredibly good in your own skin.

19. Spending more time with your parents, because they are awesome and give you free food and compliments.

20. Acquiring a pet and bestowing upon it all of the love that you may have otherwise wasted upon an actual human being.

21. Going through an “espresso” phase where you get really obsessed with proper tamping technique and sun-or-shade grown. 22. Doing exactly what you want and not being even the slightest bit concerned with whether or not anyone thinks you’re hitting your milestones at the “right” moments.

source: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/22-things-you-could-be-doing-with-your-life-besides-getting-married/

I AM SO DOING THESE I TELL YOU
p/s: I will back to blogging, soon!