stfu

Enough is enough. I couldn't bear with this anymore. My daily mind routine just spoilt, this is not the way I usually do/think, this is not the way my mind works. Stop injecting crappy stuffs into my head, I HATE IT!

These few weeks my life is just suffocating, I can barely breathe, feel free. Always have that kind of feeling that something is blocking me, can't remove it away. The factor? I would call it, peer pressure.

So what if I have a crush? So what if I just want to remain silent? What is your stand point of telling me to confess? Is that necessary? For you, right? Now, you don't have to worry about this issue anymore. I am giving up, giving up everything, I don't want to be in love, I have no interest to be in a relationship, at least for now. I don't care if you call me a homo or asexual, whatever, I don't care, I don't have more attention to care about this anymore.

Simply tired, bored to be a stalker, waiting someone's text, check Facebook everyday to see whether there is someone's name in the notification. I actually enjoyed all these, until you guys brought the issue up. Everything is like exposed to the air, and seems like you guys are trying to manipulate my style, even my direction, like what the heck. I understand what I am doing, although it seems pointless, not like what you guys think is the best-to confess.

I have plans for my life, just so you know. To be in a relationship in not in the plan until I graduated from university, so please get it. And why, ultimate reason is I think I am not well prepared. Firstly, I am a person with loads of flaw, I need to either correct it or face it. There is a Chinese proverb said that, before you love someone, you have to learn to love yourself first. Apparently, I found that I hate myself, dislike for what/who I am now. I furious for not being perfect, not good enough, not awesome. You might say, no one is perfect. Indeed, so I have a standard of perfect for myself, as long as I couldn't achieve that, I am forever a loser. For my situation now I am not suitable to have another person in my life, to be honest, I am overwhelmed with what I have now, too many advices, too many gossips. Exhausted.

-case 1-
One day I didn't receive the offer letter, one day my mind will not have peace.

-case 2-
If you like to be a secret collecter, so be it, and be responsible. What's the point of start a point and then cut it off halfway and tell us that's a secret? If is a unspoken one, why would you tell us at the first place?

I want my life back, and peace too, thanks.